The Ghosts In My Head
by Marie Antoinette
Summary: Ariadne thought she knew everything about her husband...and about her own life. How wrong she was. A Slyth-loving, Snape-worshipping, Malfoy-liking fic. *Chapter 8 Up* Ariadne copes with Lily and James' death. Touching Ariadne/Remus scene, Remus-fans
1. Prologue: Let It End!

A/N: I wasn't sure if I should rate this "PG-13" or "R"…I settled for "R" for themes and such

A/N:I wasn't sure if I should rate this "PG-13" or "R"…I settled for "R" for themes and such.There will not be any graphic sex (but sex will be involved) and this is not for those with weak stomachs, or those that don't like angst.You have been warned.

There isn't much in terms of language…yet, anyway, as there is very little dialogue to begin with.The rating is really for later parts, so don't expect the happy bubblegummy fics that you might find on this site.

Also, this fic is not for those that are close-minded…I may embrace newer ideas and make said "bad" characters "good."For example…Snape.I am one of those in love with that bitter old bastard, so while this isn't a Snape-fic exactly, Snape has a rather large role and is seen as a good person.

And for my final note:This story is set in Alternate Universe.This AU is _different_ from the Harry Potter books.There are new characters, new plots, and new ideas.Please do not review and say, "But that's not how it is in the books."I know that it is not that way in the books.Now, if I make a mistake (which I am bound to), please do tell me of that- age mistakes (except for the adults), misspellings, grammar…oh, and if anyone wants to beta, I would really love that.My grammar and spelling is _awful_, and I apologize in advance for my mistakes.

On with the fic.

_The Ghosts in My Head_

_Prologue:Let It End_

_ _

_ _

_Crack!_

I will not cry.

_Crack!_

_ _

__It doesn't hurt that much.

_Crack!_

Not as much as the riding crop does.At least it's only his belt

_Crack!_

Remember last week?

_Silence._

Is that it?I'm surprised.

_Whack!_

_ _

__The riding crop.Damn.

_Whack!_

All right, maybe throwing all the Dark Arts books in the lake wasn't such a great idea.

_Whack!_

_ _

__But the look on Father's face…

_Whack!_

_ _

__Y'know, this is really unusual.They haven't beaten me since I was ten, and then last week they get the riding crop out because I wrote an owl to Lily.

_Whack!_

_ _

__How many of these is he going to do?Last week's was awful…

_Whack!_

_ _

__Fifty beatings, all in the same place.

_Whack!_

_ _

__I should just cry out.He'll keep doing it until I do.

_Whack!_

_ _

__But I can't.I won't give him the satisfaction.

_Whack!_

_ _

__I've drawn blood from biting down on my lip.

_Whack!_

I'm sure there's blood on my back as well… I won't be able to move 'til Easter, the way this is going. 

_Whack!_

There goes going to the Valentine's Dance with Sirius Black.Oh well.Severus will be pleased.

_Whack!_

_ _

__About the dance part.He doesn't like it when I get beaten, at least not anymore.I heard him arguing with Mother last week.

_Whack!_

Gods, when will it end?

_Whack!_

_ _

__At least I've done something to deserve it…no more beatings for using the big fork for the salad.

_Whack!_

_ _

__Please, let it end!

_Whack!_

_ _

__No more!

_Whack!_

_ _

__Gods, let it end!Let it end!

A/N:Well, that was a bit depressing, eh?The girl in question is supposed to be about 15/16, and it's around Christmas.Don't worry, the girl ends up fine, as we will see in the next part, which takes place…well, she's both 38 and 20…you'll see.

Disclaimer:I own the girl being beaten and her father.


	2. An Ominous Landscape of Never-Ending Cal...

A/N: Wow, you actually want to read the second part

A/N:Wow, you actually want to read the second part.I'm impressed.

Oh, and thank you SOOOO much to my beta-reader, Aieshya.It is thanks to her that you are reading this.You should go read her story, _The Fire You Touch_, if you haven't.Awesome Snape-fic.Thank you, Abby!

Oh, and there's a bit in here from my favorite book…it has to do with the instructor's name…can you spot it?

_The Ghosts In My Head_

_Chapter One: An Ominous Landscape of Never-Ending Calamity_

_Blood. _

_ _

_There is blood on my hands.How odd._

_ _

_Why is there blood on my hands?All I did was touch my stomach-- oh.Oh dear.I look down._

_ _

_Blood on my stomach.And-- what's this?The handle of- of a dagger?Uh-oh. _

_ _

_I struggle to pull the dagger out, but it refuses to budge.With a mighty tug it comes loose, and I let it fall to the floor.It clatters on the white marble of the foyer.The floor is cold as I collapse, too weak to stand anymore._

_ _

_I put my hand back on my stomach, trying to heal myself.I close my eyes and will the wound to close.I have done it so many times before-- why should this time be any different?_

_ _

_But it is different. This time the wound refuses to heal under my touch.The absence of the usual yellow light that comes from my hand assures me of this, and I realize that I must be too weak to heal._

_ _

_I vaguely hear the voice of my oldest child as he stands over me.I open my eyes to see his blurry face; his blue eyes and wand are the only things that are clear.He touches my face, and I'm startled by its warmth.I am so cold._

_ _

_"Don't worry Mum," he says."I'll get you help."He presses his warm lips to my forehead._

_ _

_He takes his hand off my cheek, and I shiver.His face is no longer in my range of sight, so I close my eyes again._

_ _

_I have never heard my son sound so unsure of himself._

***

It was a glorious day outside-- and why shouldn't it be?After all, not only had Ariadne just gotten her heart broken, she had just learned that her exam to get into the Polviety School for Healers and Magical Medicine was only a week away, and she had yet to begin studying.She had spent the past three years as an apprentice, trying to win her instructor's favor.It didn't help that Ariadne went weak at the sight of blood.It made sense that the day would want to mock her.

But what choice did she have?What else could she do with her life?Healing was the only gift she possessed…her only talent.Well, she could duel pretty well, but being an Auror was definitely out the question, especially with her brother doing-- _being_-- what he was…no, she couldn't be an Auror; she was trying to gain favor with her family, not lose it.

Healing was a gift that ran on her father's side of the family.She had been taught at a young age how to properly control and use her powers, and she was quite the healer.Polviety had been rather impressed with her application, and the recommendation from her instructor, which, to Ariadne's surprise, had been full of praise.

She needed to get into this school.It was the only way.After all, she couldn't live off her inheritance forever…most of it had gone to her older brother, anyway.He could live off the inheritance if he needed to, which was doubtful.He was a brilliant man with a high aptitude for potions that gave him many job options--alchemistry, potion tester, inventor--and an even higher aptitude for the Dark Arts, which had pleased her parents so much that they left nearly everything they had to him, forgetting their other child, whose own attempts at Dark magic had not been nearly as successful.

But Ariadne had never really minded that her parents couldn't stand her.Her father, a dabbler in the Dark Arts, and a high Ministry official in his time, rarely had time for either of his children or wife, so it was often just the two children and their mother.Her mother, a good, middle class, Pureblood wife, stayed at home and ordered the house elf around, whilst training her children to be carbon copies of their parents before them.Both parents were from old, Pureblood, Slytherin families.Her father's family had had money beyond their dreams at one point; a man a couple of generations back had lost nearly all of it gambling.

Neither child had quite turned out the way their mother had hoped.Ariadne's brother had experimented with Dark magic on his own, and when he was old enough he and their father would go into a locked room and practice.Afterwards Ariadne would be called upon to heal her brother's wounds, for she was not only a better healer than him, he was too physically drained of energy to heal.

Ariadne had only once been invited to join them.She had been fifteen at the time, and the best dueler in her year.Her father had suggested that she duel her brother.Not thinking that Dark magic would be involved, she readily agreed, emotionally thrown by the chance to impress her father.

The duel had started out fine enough.The niceties had been observed; they had bowed, and faced each other, wands level.Ariadne had gotten in the first curse, which was easily deflected back at her, and she was able to block it and cast another one.The duel continued in this fashion until her brother, growing tired of the contest, carelessly flicked his wand and sent a curse at her that Ariadne knew was of the Dark Arts.She hadn't the experience to block it, so she had jumped out of the way, ducking behind her father's desk chair.

She had then sent one of the only Dark curse she knew towards her brother, who made no move to block it.It had hit him, but not done anything harmful. Her brother simply stood there as the curse dissipated around him. Her brother and father had laughed as Ariadne disarmed her opponent with a quick, "_Expelliarmus!_" She stood, throwing his wand back.

Still laughing, her father had actually spoken, though he wasn't complimenting her on her ability to beat someone older and more experienced than her in a duel.No, he had spoken of her inability to perform the Dark Arts.

"I suppose your sister just doesn't have to stomach for the Dark Arts, my boy.I'm lucky that I have such a capable son then, eh?"

Her brother had nodded, and turned to practice with his father again.Ariadne had quietly slipped out of the study and into the backyard, where she had sat with her cat and cried, something she rarely ever did.

Her brother had gone on to join the rising Dark Lord once he had finished his primary school training, along with taking a job at the Ministry, testing potions.

Once done with her primary school training, Ariadne went and apprenticed with one of the top healers in the area, Jack Burden, and now, at twenty, was counting on getting into Polviety.Her parents wouldn't be there to be proud of her as her father had died when she was eighteen; her mother, a few months later of grief.

Yet Ariadne couldn't bring herself to skip her parents' funerals…perhaps it was because she and her brother had reconciled their differences by that point, and she knew that he would want her there.Or it might have been that her boyfriend at the time had convinced her to go.Those had been relatively good times, when she had been with Remus Lupin.

Not anymore, though.

***

_Pressure.Someone is touching me.My eyes fly open._

_ _

_My youngest child sits next to me, knees tucked under her, her hand in my open palm."Mummy?" she says quietly, softly._

_ _

_I want so badly to answer her; to tell her I love her, that she's my little baby girl, the only one of my brood of five that looks just like me.I want so badly to get those words out!_

_ _

_Oh, but I can't!All I can manage is a spluttering, gasping noise that I know scares my little girl even more than the hole in my stomach.She pulls her hand away, and I see that it too is stained with my blood._

_ _

_I am left cold again._

_ _

_She begins to cry loudly, and tears stream down her face._

_ _

_Oh, don't cry my angel!Don't cry, darling. Not for me!_

_ _

_The only thing worse than not being able to comfort your child is knowing that you are the source of her pain._

__***

No, there would be no more happy days with Remus Lupin for Ariadne.

Good old Remus, with his sandy hair and deep coffee eyes, eyes that were older than the moon.

Clever Lupin, wise as an owl, always the logical one, the mediator.

Tricky Moony, always up for a good adventure, with his unconvincing lies and wonderful schemes.

Ariadne had known Remus Lupin since she was eleven, and had heard of him even before then: her brother was not particularly fond of the scrawny, pale, sickly looking boy.

Mysterious Remus, always gone, never the same excuse.

Tired Lupin, circles under his eyes, falling asleep in class.

Dangerous Moony, afraid of the full moon, changing beneath the light.

At Hogwarts she knew him as one of the Gryffindors that lived to terrorize her brother and his friends. His little group: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus, and Peter Pettigrew.Where one was, the other three couldn't be far.

He was smart too- sometimes Ariadne wondered why he hadn't been put in Ravenclaw.

He was always disappearing for days at a time, sometimes two, sometimes three.Ariadne's brother had been curious as to just where Remus went every time her went away, and Ariadne didn't learn why until years later.

She hadn't really gotten to know Remus very well until they were out of Hogwarts.He was an Auror, but she hung around them all the time, just to anger her mother.

Ariadne was friends with Lily Evans, who in turn was friends with Remus, so she knew him as a mere acquaintance, a friend-of-a-friend.

And then her brother had joined the Death Eaters, and everything had changed.

Ariadne no longer could sleep at the home she shared with her brother, the home he was so kind to share with her, as she had no money.

Her home was always overrun with her brother's "friends," friends that wanted to sleep with her, especially after their meetings with the Dark Lord.They were always more…_aroused_ then.

So Ariadne began to sleep at Dinah Banks' house. 

That was her first mistake.

***

_Two sets of hands are on my shoulders, and they pull me up so that I am leaning against the stairs.I slump back down, so they hold me up._

_ _

_They sit, and I see flashes of black hair. I know it must be the twins._

_ _

_The troublemakers of the family, one male, one female.One is never far apart from the other; they go together, like cold weather and butterbeer._

_ _

_"Is she dead?" _

_ _

_His twin puts her head on my stomach.It presses on my wound.I am filled with even more pain._

_ _

_But her head is warm, and I don't want her to take it away._

_ _

_"No," my oldest daughter says, "she's breathing."_

_ _

_Her head leaves._

_ _

_My son sighs with relief._

_ _

_I am cold._

_ _

_I can't think.All I know is the cold._

__

_I turn my head slightly, wanting to see their faces._

_ _

_The boy has his back against the stairs, as I am, a pained expression on his face as he bites down on his lower lip._

_ _

_His twin sister is on my other side, holding my baby girl.My baby is still sobbing and gasping.The older girl has her lips pressed to the younger's forehead._

_ _

_My twin children, always so happy, always laughing._

_ _

_They are not laughing now._

_ _

A/N:Well, that was bright and cheery, eh?If you hadn't noticed, the woman that was stabbed is Ariadne.Can you guess who her brother is?It's a bit obvious…

Disclaimer:I own Ariadne and Dinah Banks, who we will hear more from next chapter.The chapter title comes from an Incubus song, _Pardon Me_.Incubus happens to be my favorite band, so most song titles will be from their songs.

Thanks to all the reviewers:**Smoo**, **LOP**- the rest of it is a little less personal.All questions of heritage will be answered soon.**Dolores**- Perhaps…she's a Slyth, definitely.**Vikki**- Oh, there'll be Snape… **Erin**- that last part was a prologue dear, it wasn't supposed to have a plot.If you're reading this, I'm rather surprised. But thanks for the flame. **Incitatus**- very little honey-coated anything here.Even the romance is un-sappy. **Katrina Snape**- thanks for the line spacing warning- my computer is really screwed up *kicks it in frustration* whoops, there goes the floppy drive…**Tic Tac**,** Zedd**- For some reason, my sister hates him, where I drool over the mere mention of his name. Oh, remind me to tell you about the dream I had of Alan Rickman dressed in Sev costume wearing only a pair of green and black boxers…*drool* **The Marauders**, **Himitsu Natsume**- sorry I didn't answer to your ICQ message.I had forgotten to click my "away" button…try again later, please? **Skeeter/Sue. **J**__**

Next Chapter:We find out just who Dinah Banks is, something bad happens to Ariadne, Remus Lupin makes his debut, and we meet the last of the five, even if he is the second youngest.I wanted him to be last.


	3. Make Amends With You

A/N: This chapter is the reason I rated this story "R"

A/N:This chapter is the reason I rated this story "R".There is sex, and the means in which it is done is not pleasant. However, the rating is more for themes than graphic sex or violence, so nothing that squeamish people find offensive will be in here.

_ _

The Ghosts In My Head 

_Chapter Two: Make Amends With You_

Dinah Banks was the best friend of Ariadne's brother.

A Muggle-born, she had been sorted into Slytherin the same year as Ariadne's brother, and they had been friends since their second year.He had called Dinah a Mudblood, and she had chased after him with her gun.

Dinah was an unusual person.Her father had been a wealthy British surgeon; her mother the youngest of eight children from a rural farm in America.Dinah's accent consisted of posh English and southern American.

Among other things that were uncommon of most witches, Dinah could shoot a gun.She could hit any "critter," as she called them, from nearly any range with one shot.She was extremely proud of her rifle, and never failed to threaten anyone with it.And after her display of marksmanship in Ariadne's first year, no one ever doubted her word. 

Dinah had shot eight bullets at a moving target.The bullets were all clustered around the bull's eye.Dinah had won quite a bit of money that day.Dinah had been her second year then, and this was right after her escapade with Ariadne's brother.

Ariadne's brother kept his friendship with Dinah a secret from their parents, since they didn't approve of Ariadne's friendships with Muggle-borns.

But Dinah was Ariadne's brother's closet companion, and they were always together. Inseparable.When Ariadne's brother got his heart broken, Dinah was there to comfort him, even though the girl that unintentionally broke his heart was one of Dinah's friends.When Dinah's parents died in Ariadne's fifth year, Ariadne's brother stayed in his friend's bed with her all that night, comforting her.

So Dinah was fine with Ariadne sleeping at her house.Ariadne and Dinah had always been friendly, and even if Dinah didn't know the real reason for Ariadne wanting to sleep at her house--Ariadne said it was because her brother was driving her crazy--she allowed her to with no questions asked.

One day, Dinah had to go away on a mission with Lily and Lily's boyfriend, James Potter.

When Dinah went away, Ariadne was forced to sleep at her brother's home.

The third night that she was back at her brother's home, he brought home a friend—Nikolas Avery.Ariadne had never really known who Avery was, but she did now.

Avery had gently pushed open Ariadne's bedroom door while her brother was downstairs, talking to someone through the fire. Ariadne had turned around to see a man a year or two older than her standing in her doorway, an odd look in his eyes.

He came at her, pushing her back on the bed.She screamed for help; he covered her mouth with his, blocking out all sound.He pinned her on the bed and quickly cast a Body-Bind Charm, leaving her unable to move.

He quickly undressed her, his eyes never leaving hers.His eyes were full of lust and madness; his motions became more violent as he took in the fear in her wide eyes.

He stepped back and raked her naked body with his eyes, a twisted smile on his ugly face.

"Well, Doll, it seems as though I am the victor here…and you know what they say, when takes all.In this case, I'm going to take you."

Ariadne eyes grew wider.

His smile grew."I suppose if you have no objections…"

He undressed himself speedily, and threw himself on top of her.He proceeded to do something to her that is often called making love, but there was nothing loving about it.No, he did it ruthlessly and quickly—he had to, the last thing he wanted was his friend coming in to find him raping his sister—laughing as some of the fear in her eyes was replaced with pain. 

When he was finished, he got off her, put on his clothes, and undid the hex on her.

"Not bad, Doll," he sneered.

And then he was gone.

Ariadne got to her feet slowly, but found she couldn't support herself.She crawled to the bathroom and vomited, again and again, as if trying to empty herself of all feeling of him inside her.

She rested both hands on the toilet bowl, inhaling and exhaling deeply.Sweat covered her brow; she wiped it off with the back of her hand, using the other to support herself.She didn't trust her legs.

When she felt she could finally stand, she went over to the mirror.

"What the hell am I going to do?" she asked her reflection.

He voice was hoarse, and the softness of it scared her.She bit her lip, trying not to yield to the tears that were threatening to fall.She had to get out of the house, go somewhere, but where?

Lily.Lily would know what to do.Lily always knew what to do.

She quickly Apparated to Lily's house and pounded on the door.No answer.

It took her ten minutes of knocking to remember that Lily wasn't home.She sank to the ground, finally giving in and sobbing.She then climbed into the oak tree that was in Lily's front yard, hiding herself among the many leaves.

Where could she go?

Then it hit her.Remus Lupin. They had become friends, after all.He was a perfectly nice man, and extremely good looking.

She Apparated to his house, and banged on the door with as much fury as she had on Lily's.Remus quickly answered the door, and when he saw Ariadne, tears streaming down her face, he gently pulled her inside.

"Ariadne, what is it?" he asked.

So she told him.

She told him about how her brother's friends were always trying to sleep with her, and how she couldn't take it, so she slept at Dinah's place. 

Told him what had happened tonight, with Avery.

"He raped you?"  
  


Ariadne nodded.She was sobbing, and Remus patted her shoulder gently.

"Does your brother know?"

Ariadne stood."No!And he can't!"

If she told her brother, he'd go after Avery the second he knew.He might end up dueling or even killing Avery, which would cause the Dark Lord's suspicion to fall on Ariadne's brother.He could die.

"All right, calm down.I'm going after him!"Remus stood and went to get his cloak.

"Remus, no!"She grabbed the back of his robes."Please, don't!It's too dangerous!You could get killed!" The last thing she needed was his death on her head.No more guilt.

"Let me go," he growled at her, and she was surprised by his tone of voice.Remus had always seemed to be passive and calm, not temperamental and cruel.

His eyes softened as he explained, "One of my friends was just raped.I'm not going to sit around and not do anything about it!"

She looked pleadingly into his eyes."Remus, please!Please, I beg you, you'll get killed!He—he's—he's not the type of person you want to get into a duel with.Trust me."

Ariadne couldn't very well tell him that Avery was a Death Eater!Too much suspicion would be aroused as to how she knew that information.

Remus sighed."All right.I won't do anything to him."But Ariadne, are you sure that you're all right?"

"I'm fine!"She forced a smile, still reasonably shaken up from the whole experience."Can I sleep here tonight?"

He nodded."Of course.It'll have to be on the couch, mind you, but I'm sure you'll be fine."

She nodded."Thank you so much, Remus.Good night."

Ariadne stayed at Remus' house for the next few days, and the conversation turned to their families.

"My family?" Ariadne asked, sitting on the couch next to Remus."My family life was…unpleasant, to say the least.I don't like to talk about it."

"Tell me," he coaxed gently.

So she told him.

Told him about her family life, how her parents hated her, how she had nothing, how no one liked her.

Told him everything except that her brother was a Death Eater, working for the Dark Lord at twenty, while his sister, at nineteen, worried not only for her sake but also her brother's, praying that he wouldn't get caught by the Ministry.

Remus silently listened the entire time, his arms wrapped around her.

"Ariadne," he said, gently smoothing her hair down."That's not true.Plenty of people like you."

"Who?" she asked bitterly."Lily? Dinah?They don't like me, they pity me."And it was true.She had seen the pity in their eyes when they thought she wasn't watching.

"They don't pity you, Ariadne.And I like you."The arms around her tightened. "And I know what it feels like to be unloved."

And then he told her.

He told her how he had been bitten by a werewolf when he was five, how his twin had died that night.

Told her how he was too afraid to tell his friends, how they figured it out, and still didn't desert him.

Told her how hard it was for him at work, with his boss always wary of him, thinking he was a dark creature.

Told her how his family had hated him because his brother had died and he had lived, and because he was a monster.

Told her how he felt like a monster.

Ariadne was shocked."You're a werewolf?"

Remus nodded slowly."Since I was five."

Ariadne was having trouble processing all that he had just told her.It obviously was what Severus had meant when he said that Remus was below him in more ways then one.Severus had never been very tolerant of semi-humans or non-humans who spoke a human language, House-Elves included.

"Werewolf?"

Remus nodded again."The whole deal.Fur, fangs, and claws, once a month."

"I…oh.I don't think any less of you, really, I…"Ariadne struggled to find the right words to say in this situation.But what were the right words?Were there any?

"It's all right if you do," he said in a dull voice."I know I'm a monster."

Ariadne leaned her head against his chest."Remus, you aren't a monster.You're the sweetest guy I've ever met.You wouldn't hurt a fly--"

"Not true."

She looked curiously up at him."Hmm?"

"I killed a spider last night," he said with grin.

Ariadne couldn't help but smile."I don't like spiders anyway."

And they sat there, each one holding the other until dawn, neither being able to sleep.And when dawn came, Remus looked down at her, smiling in a sad sort of way.

She smiled back up at him, wondering about his past.What had his parents done to him to make him feel so beneath the rest of the human race?

Probably what her parents had done to make her feel unworthy of their care and…well, certainly not love.No, her parents had never loved her. 

They say every mother loves their child.

'They' had obviously never met her mother.

Her parents had almost completely ignored her, and when they did speak to her, it was usually to degrade her, tell her what she had done wrong, not what she had done right.

Her father had taken the time to teach her healing, but he taught it to her and her brother at the same time; it was mainly for his benefit, she couldn't ask questions as he could.

Remus' parents had probably ignored him as well, and told him that he was a monster, a dark creature.She wondered briefly if he had ever been beaten, as she had. 

"Your parents beat you?" she heard a horrified voice ask.

Too late, Ariadne realized that she had spoken that thought aloud. She slowly nodded, turning to face Remus.

They had beaten her.With anything they could find--belts, spatulas, and--when she had done something they really didn't like--the riding crop her father used when he rode the family horse, Mage.

She had been beaten for anything and everything--not using the right fork at dinner, not having her room clean enough, even things that her brother had done wrong were taken out on her, because it was her fault—she had led him astray, even though she was younger.

"When I was younger," she told Remus with a shrug."It stopped after I went to Hogwarts."

That was when the verbal abuse had begun.

It had started out subtly.They would mention how proud they were of her brother and, "why couldn't our daughter be as successful as him?" in every conversation they had with any person, even if Ariadne was standing right there.

Then they started to say that to her face, especially when she failed at the Dark Arts. 

Then the letters came.The letters that came to Hogwarts, her haven, her sanctuary.The letters that were from her mother, that said that Ariadne couldn't possibly be her daughter, that she had been so perfect, why wasn't Ariadne?

Ariadne began to fear breakfast. 

They were always comparing her to someone else.Some perfect model of how she should act, the perfect rich, pureblood, Slytherin daughter.

She could never fit the mold.

So she became rebellious.

"I befriended people my parents hated," she told Remus one afternoon."I got interested in Muggle things.I even made my hair bright red at one point--you might remember."

Remus nodded.They were seated on his couch, drinking tea.

"I remember.Your brother was not pleased."

Ariadne chuckled. 

They sat there in silence for a while longer.

"Ariadne," Remus began, but she stopped him, pressing a finger to his lips.

"Don't speak," she whispered.

He put one hand on her back and set his tea down on the table.He put his other hand on her back as well, pulling her closer to him.

She reached up and put her head on his shoulder. 

He brought a hand around and lifted her head up, cupping her chin.He looked at her face, and saw all the permission he needed.

He lowered his face to hers, and they kissed.

That was her second mistake. 

***

_ _

_Another person is touching me, touching my face.I struggle to open to my eyes. _

_ _

_One._

_ _

_The other._

_ _

_My youngest son is standing there, a goblet in his hand._

_ _

_"Hold her up," he says._

_ _

_I feel myself being pushed back against the stairs even more.The hands stay there._

__

_I am cold._

_ _

_His hand forces my mouth open and he pours the contents of the goblet down my throat._

_ _

_A wonderful warmth fills me, and suddenly I can see a little better. The pain in my stomach isn't as unbearable._

_ _

_"Will-Strengthening Potion," he explains to his siblings._

_ _

_I smile._

_ _

_My youngest son, the serious, studious one.Always making potions, pushing himself to do better and learn more. _

_ _

_He looks down at me.His eyes travel from my face to my wound and back again._

_ _

_I see his face, the face that is his father's, with his stern eyes, the eyes that he turns on his siblings to get them to stop their antics, even if he is younger._

_ _

_He looks into my eyes, his eyes are void of their usual harshness._

_ _

_They are consumed with fear._

***

Remus and Ariadne were together for a while after the horrible episode with Avery.They had nine long, wonderful months together, and were even talking about getting married.

But that had all changed on that day when it was so glorious outside.

Ariadne went to the Ministry to see when her exam was, as Polviety was a Ministry-run establishment.

After finding out that she had less than a week to study for this excruciatingly difficult test, she decided to go see Remus for comfort.She walked over to the Auror part of the building, wondering idly when he was going to pop the question.

They'd been talking about getting married for at least a month and a half, but he had yet to actually ask.Ariadne was growing impatient—after all, her twentieth birthday had come and gone, and most of her friends were either married or engaged.

She had even gone with Remus to James and Lily Potter's wedding, back when they were first dating.The wedding had made Ariadne wonder if she would ever get married.Would she ever have children, and if she did, would they be as awful as she was?

She was contemplating these thoughts as she walked towards Remus' office, hoping that maybe he would ask her that day.She quietly opened the door, hoping to surprise him.

It was she who got the surprise.

A/N:Well, that was the wonderful rape scene.I hope that you people aren't too attached to Mr. Lupin…he will be exiting stage left soon…with no curtain calls.

Disclaimer:I own only Ariadne and Dinah.The chapter title once again belongs to Incubus, from a song called Make Yourself.

Reviewers (there were more of you last time, c'mon people, review, please?): **Ada Kensington**- Ah the Snape-obsession…it happens to the best of us, including me…**Aieshya**- thanks for the notice about the fics at ff.n.I loved the 22nd part, and the 23rd will be up soon, right?Aww, come on…and about that dream…*sigh*.**Rosmerta**- she's just learned to block out her family's dislike of herself…loved your story, where's that sequel you promised, eh? **Slow Gen**- Oh, I'm so glad she's not a Mary Sue…I was so afraid she would turn out to be, thank you for reassuring me that she isn't.**LOP**- Yes, Snape will be in the next chapter.Patience, my friend.**Ginger Donahue**- Your work is very nice, but you never seem to finish anything…go on, try something.Oh, he'll get a girl…two, in fact.J****


	4. Beautiful Disaster

"Mum

A/N: Well, this is the next installment.Severus makes his debut, and we find out Ariadne's last name, as well as the name of her brother.Malfoy pops up in one scene, and he will have a major role starting next chapter.Warning for words—I finally introduced some cusses…

This part is a bit darker at the end…the woman remembers her past.

_ _

__***

_ _

**_ _**
    
    **_I cannot live with You—_**
    
    **_It would be Life—_**
    
    **_And Life is over there—_**
    
    **_Behind the Shelf_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_The Sexton keeps the Key to—_**
    
    **_Putting up_**
    
    **_Our Life—His Porcelain—_**
    
    **_Like a Cup—_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_Discarded of the Housewife—_**
    
    **_Quaint—or Broke—_**
    
    **_A newer Sevres pleases—_**
    
    **_Old Ones crack—_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_I could not die—with You—_**
    
    **_For One must wait_**
    
    **_To shut the Other's Gaze down—_**
    
    **_You—could not—_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_And I—could I stand by_**
    
    **_And see You—freeze—_**
    
    **_Without my Right of Frost—_**
    
    **_Death's privilege?_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_Nor could I rise—with You—_**
    
    **_Because Your Face_**
    
    **_Would put out Jesus'—_**
    
    **_That New Grace_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_Glow plain—and foreign_**
    
    **_On my homesick Eye—_**
    
    **_Except that You than He_**
    
    **_Shone closer by—_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_They'd judge Us—How—_**
    
    **_For You—served Heaven—You know,_**
    
    **_Or sought to—_**
    
    **_I could not—_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_Because You saturated Sight—_**
    
    **_And I had no more Eyes_**
    
    **_For sordid excellence_**
    
    **_As Paradise_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_And were You lost, I would be—_**
    
    **_Though My Name_**
    
    **_Rang loudest_**
    
    **_On the Heavenly fame—_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_And were You—saved—_**
    
    **_And I—condemned to be_**
    
    **_Where You were not—_**
    
    **_That self—were Hell to Me—_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_So We must meet apart—_**
    
    **_You there—I—here—_**
    
    **_With just the Door ajar_**
    
    **_That Oceans are—and Prayer—_**
    
    **_And that White Sustenance—_**
    
    **_Despair—_**
    
    **_ _**
    
    _~I Cannot Live With You_
    
    _Emily Dickinson _****
    
     

***__

The Ghosts In My Head Chapter Three:Beautiful Disaster 

_ _

_ _

_ _

_ _

_"Mum?Can you talk?"_

_ _

_Talk?Can I talk?_

_ _

_"Y-ye-yes," I manage to choke out._

_ _

_I am surprised at how weak I sound.I've never thought of myself as a pitiful person, but I certainly sound the part now._

_ _

_"Mum," one of my sons-I can't tell which- says, "Mum, you're going to be all right.Just hold out a bit longer, all right?Can you do that for me?"_

_ _

_Longer?_

_ _

_I will try, my children._

_ _

_I will._

_ _

_Silence. _

_ _

_How much longer?_

_ _

The potion my son gave me is beginning to wear off.

_ _

_"He'll have to get a hold of Uncle Severus," I hear one of them whisper. _

_ _

_I am cold again._

__

_Is it longer yet?_

_ _

_"Undoubtedly."_

_ _

_Severus?Can Severus help me?_

_ _

_How about now?Is it a bit longer now?_

_ _

_I don't think anyone can help me._

***

Remus had been in his office, yes.That wasn't the surprise.It was what he was _doing_ in his office that was the shocking detail.

Remus was sitting in his desk chair, hair ruffled, shirt wrinkled, involved in a passionate embrace with Arabella Figg, his ex, another Auror in his department.

She gasped.

Remus looked up.

Their eyes met.

"Ariadne," he exclaimed, his face slightly red."I—" 

Ariadne stepped into the threshold of the office, eyes flashing with anger.She shoved Arabella off of Remus' lap and slapped him as hard as she could across the face.

"Remus Lupin, you bastard!" she shouted.

All of the Aurors within the Auror's Wing gathered around Remus' office to catch the conversation, but Ariadne didn't care.It was better, actually.This way she could _really_ embarrass him. 

"How could you?" she hissed."Did you think you could fucking get away with this?Hmm?"She leaned in close to him so that their noses were inches away."How long has this been going on?Is that where you were last Tuesday, when you were too _sick_—she outlined the word by quotation marks with her fingers—" to go out with me?

"Well, Mr. Lupin," she exclaimed, holding back angry tears, you can find yourself a new girlfriend, because I refuse to date a two-timing ass-hole.Well?What do you have to fucking say for yourself, you piece of shit?"

Remus seemed a bit fazed.

"Ariadne," he began, "this isn't what it looks like—"

"Oh no," she spat sarcastically, "you didn't just have your ex on your lap, and you certainly weren't snogging her.No, of course not, my mistake!

"Of course it's what it looks like, you incompetent fool!If you can't even recall what you just did two minutes ago, I suppose I mistook you for someone else.Someone decent, with half a brain.We are through, Lupin.Don't even bother trying to apologize.I don't listen to people with short-term memory problems."

And with that she stormed out, leaving Remus with sympathetic looks from all the males in the department, and applause for Ariadne's speech from the females.

***

_ _

_My stomach is still bleeding.I cannot open my eyes anymore, but I can feel the blood from my gaping wound._

_ _

It is almost funny. 

_ _

_I used to faint at the sight of blood._

_ _

_I got over it after I had my first child._

_ _

_My first baby, my son, the son who is outside now, beneath the maple tree._

_ _

_He liked syrup._

_ _

_"Go get some more potion Her breathing is ragged."My oldest daughter says this, I am sure._

_ _

_I am so cold now._

_ _

_"I don't have any more!"Guilt._

_ _

_Cold like the rainy die my baby died._

_ _

_"Can't you make some?"Panic._

_ _

_Cold like the day we buried him._

_ _

_"No!I ran out of rat tails!"Fear._

_ _

_Cold like death._

***

Ariadne flew out of the Ministry and down the steps, her mind clouded with rage.How dare Remus do that to her?Cheat on her? 

How could he break her heart?Silent tears were streaming down her face and she hurriedly wiped them away.The last thing she needed was someone to see her crying.

She was so upset she didn't notice the man on the step bellow her, his nose in his newspaper.She ran right into him.

"Why don't you watch where you're going?" he sneered, picking himself up off the ground.

"Maybe if you weren't reading the damned newspaper," she spat back, "you actually might be able to see the people in front of you."She stood, glaring at the man.

A grin appeared on his face."Ah, Miss Snape.How are you?"

It was Lucius Malfoy, one of Severus' friends from Hogwarts.

Now, the correct answer when anyone asks, "how are you?" is simply, "fine, thanks," or something of the sort.It can even be followed with something like, "and you?" when one wants to further the conversation or be polite.

However, Ariadne was so upset that she couldn't be bothered with petty niceties.No, she told Lucius exactly how she was feeling.

"I'm awful, Malfoy.Just bloody awful."

Lucius smirked at her."What, your little Auror break your heart?"

Ariadne wasn't going to let him have the satisfaction of being right.

"Speaking of heart-break," she replied, "I heard that you and that witch aren't together anymore—what, she get tired of being with a narcissist?" 

His smirk, instead of disappearing, merely grew."He did, didn't he?"

She looked at the ground."That obvious, huh?"

He shook his head, laughing."No, you could hear your little speech from out here."

She looked up, horrified."You couldn't!"

He nodded."Nicely done, I must say."

She moaned."Oh dear."

Lucius shrugged."Personally, I think he deserved it.No one should cheat on their girlfriend."

Ariadne glared at him."This from the man that had a new girl every week?"

He shrugged again."People can change.Besides, I know what it's like."

Ariadne nodded."Ah, your girl cheated on you?"

"She's not my girl anymore."

"Obviously."

Lucius looked at her."You've certainly changed."

She raised an eyebrow."It's been four years, you know."

He nodded."I know.And unfortunately, I must run.It was lovely seeing you again."

She sighed."Whatever you say, Malfoy.Whatever you say."She dashed away before the tears in her eyes threatened to spill.

***

_ _

_"Is Mummy going to die?"_

_ _

_Die?_

_ _

_"No, she's going to be fine.Don't worry."_

_ _

Die? I hope not.

_ _

_"Will Uncle Severus be here soon to fix her?"_

_ _

_I'd really like to live._

_ _

_"I don't want Mummy to die!I'd miss her!"_

_ _

_Oh baby, I'd miss you, too!I'd don't want to die, either!_

_ _

_"She's not going to die!Shut up and let me think!"_

_ _

_Oh Lucas, don't be so rough.She's only a child._

_ _

_Cold.So cold._

_ _

_Wails.My baby is crying._

_ _

_"Luke!Leave her alone, she's only seven!"_

_ _

_Someone, please, a Heating Charm._

_ _

_"I'm sorry.But I need to think!I have to make this potion for Mum, all right?"_

__

_Sniffles.The sobs subside._

_ _

_"I thought you were out of rat tails or something!"_

_ _

_Rats?_

_ _

_"I am!But I know there's something else that can be used, I just don't know what it is."_

_ _

_Rats carried the Black Death._

_ _

_"Oh."_

_ _

_Black is the color of death._

_ _

_"Well, hurry!"_

_ _

_It has taken so many, the blackness._

_ _

_"I'm trying!"_

_ _

_Will the blackness take me?_

***

After having a lovely cry in an alley on Baker's Street, Ariadne decided to go see her brother.After all, maybe he would kill Remus or something…

No, she didn't really want him dead.Maybe within an inch of his life, but not dead.Guilt was an emotion she was used to—after all, as a child, _everything_ was her fault, and if you hear something enough, you start to believe it. But even though she had felt guilty many times, it was never something she dealt with lightly.

The guilt became anger—anger at herself, at her mother, at the stuffed bear that fell off her bed.

Guilt was what made her change her hair color.

Guilt was what made her befriend Lily and Dinah.

And, in a sense, guilt was what made her date Remus Lupin.

It was all very easy to say she loved him when she was dating him, but how much of that had she meant?Had she kissed him that night because she felt something there, or because she needed to be comforted?Or did she just feel sorry for him?

Had she really loved him at all, or just the _idea_ of him?

The idea of a perfect man, caring, and compassionate, someone who was always there for her.The idea of having someone to trust, someone to love.Someone that would never hurt her, someone to spend the rest of her life with.Was Remus that perfect man?

He wasn't.He couldn't be.After all, he had just broken her heart.He had just hurt her.And she certainly wasn't going to spend the rest of her life with him.

_Bang.Bang._

The doors of Snape manor were thick, big metal rectangles, with knockers that had the letter "S" on them.The Snape family crest was raised in metal across the two front doors, two snakes coming together to form the outline of a shield, surrounding a large "S" in the middle of the shield.Behind the "S" was an open-palmed hand, fingers cupped together, the sign of healers.

_Bang.Bang_

The door flew open.

"Yes?"Her brother stood there, sneering in his usual fashion.

The tears welled suddenly in her eyes, and Ariadne lost it. "Oh, Severus!" she wailed, throwing herself on her brother.

Severus struggled for a moment against her."Ariadne, what the hell are you doing?" he asked, his voice confused.

"Oh, Severus, he cheated on me!" she wailed, burying her face in his shoulder."I saw him!Oh, Severus!"

Severus tried to extirpate himself from her grasp, but she refused to let go of him.Awkwardly, he dragged her backwards into the living room, where Dinah was sitting on the couch.

Dinah jumped up."Ariadne!" she exclaimed."Ria, what's the matter?"

Ariadne just sobbed.

Severus gently set her down on the couch."Something with Lupin, I think."His voice took on the murderous tone that was present whenever the werewolf was mentioned.

"Remus?" Dinah asked gently."Ria, did you two break up?"

Ariadne cried louder.

Dinah nodded."That's it."

Severus clenched his fists."If he did anything to hurt her, I swear I will—" 

Dinah grabbed his shoulder."Severus, calm down.Let's just find out what happened.Tell you what.Go make some tea, all right?"

Judging from the look on Severus' face, he would far rather find Lupin and practice one of the Forbidden Curses on him than make a pot of tea, but he merely nodded and left the room.

"Good, now that he's gone…he's not very good at comforting people, I should know."Dinah patted Ariadne's shoulder sympathetically."Now Ria, tell me what's wrong."

And so the story slowly came out, with many breaks for crying, and lots of cups of tea—Severus kept getting up to leave the room, mumbling about hormonal women.

"So you found him with Arabella Figg?" Dinah asked gently, smoothing Ariadne's hair.

Ariadne nodded."She was on his lap."Silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

Severus had just come into the room again.He dropped the cup of tea he had been holding and clenched his fists.

"That dirty damned bastard," he spat."I'm going to go rip his—"

"Severus, that won't solve anything," Dinah said soothingly, cleaning up the spilt tea and broken cup with two simple spells."Sit down."

Severus sat, gaping at her in shock."You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" he growled. "Dinah, that's very un-Slytherin of you.I expected better, really."

An insane grin appeared on Dinah's face."Oh, I had no intention of letting the son-of-a-bitch get away with it.I was going to get my rifle and shoot his head off."

Ariadne couldn't help but giggle."Dinah!"

Severus rolled his eyes."Oh yes, and that would solve everything.Get the damned Muggles involved as well.Really very clever of you, Din.I can see the headlines now: _Auror Arrested by Muggles._"

"Oh, I suppose you're right…shame though, I've really been wanting to get some use out of that thing."

Ariadne stood, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand."Really, it's fine.I've already dealt with him."

Severus pulled her back down."Is he alive?Can he walk?"

"Yes and yes, but I don't see what that has to do with—"

"Then you haven't dealt with him," Dinah cut in, shaking Ariadne."C'mon, Ria, let me and Sev here go out and blow up the piece of shit."

"No!"Ariadne stood again."Let me deal with him later.I've got an idea."

Dinah sighed."Oh, all right."

"Ria," Severus began.

"Not now, Sev."Ariadne gave him a look.

He copied Dinah and sighed, not looking resigned enough for Ariadne's taste, but she decided not to press anymore.A flash of worry shot through Ariadne's mind.What if he did something foolish?

"Oh, Ria, you'll have to stay here tonight, hon," Dinah said, breaking in on Ariadne's thoughts."I've got to go away again."

Ariadne sighed."Severus, is anyone-?"

He nodded."I'll talk to you about it later."

Dinah looked confused, but didn't say anything.She'd learned long ago that asking what the big secret between the Snape brother and sister was futile.They refused to tell her.

"Lily will be here, though," she put in helpfully."But I think she and James got somethin' goin' on."Dinah's American accent was beginning seep in, much to her distaste.

"Oh." Ariadne looked down.Great.Another Death Eater meeting.Maybe she would go hide at Lily's place, even if James was there.But—but what if Remus was there?

Dinah stood and stretched, yawning."Well, I've gotta go pack.See you two 'round."

She walked out the door with a final wave.

Severus immediately turned to Ariadne."I'm going to fucking kill him."__

***

_ _

_The pain._

_ _

_The pain has gone…I feel only numbness._

_ _

_I cannot think clearly anymore…the past blends to the present to the future and back again._

_****_

**_"You bitch!You will do as we say, you little delinquent!"_**__

_ _

No.That is not now.Back to now.Think of Hera, of Lucas.Of their father, not the kindest man in the world, but the best husband a woman could ask for.He is my everything.Think of him.His smirking face, his frosty blue eyes…

_ _

**_"Father, please!It's just a fork!"_**

_ _

_No!Please, no memories, Father, please!Please!_

_ _

_**Smack!**_

_ _

_**"Father! Please, don't hit me!"**_

_ _

**_Smack!_**

**_ _**

**__**_No!No, please!I know I was a bad child!No, please, stop torturing me!_

_ _

_**"Please!"**_

**_ _**

**__**_Please!Oh Gods, no more pain!No more anguish!_

_ _

"She's shaking!" says a voice of the present.

_ _

_Oh Gods, stop.Please.I want to forget._

_ _

_"Quick, get a blanket!"_

_ _

_I had forgotten._

_ _

_I was such a bad child!_

_ _

_I remember._

_ _

_I don't deserve to live!_

_ _

_Guilt._

_ _

_I don't want to live._

_ _

_Do I?_

__

A/N: Well, it got a bit darker…the next part should have some much-needed humor…

Disclaimer:I own only Ria and Dinah.The Chapter Title is the name of a song by 311.

Next Chapter:Ria gets drunk, Malfoy gets drunk, and the woman remembers some more of her past…


	5. The Remains of Love Exhumed

Bang

_ _

A/N:Something tells me there'll be flames for this one…something really tells me…I've got this inkling…I hope you lot like Malfoys…nice Malfoys…

***

**_Take this kiss upon the brow!_**

**_And, in parting from you now,_**

**_Thus much let me avow:_**

**_You are not wrong who deem_**

**_That my days have been a dream;_**

**_Yet if hope has flown away_**

**_In a night, or in a day,_**

**_In a vision, or in none,_**

**_Is it therefore the less gone?_**

**_All that we see or seem_**

**_Is but a dream within a dream._**

**_ _**

**_I stand amid the roar_**

**_Of a surf-tormented shore,_**

**_And I hold within my hand_**

**_Grains of the golden sand—_**

**_How few! Yet how they creep _**

**_Through my fingers to the deep,_**

**_While I weep—while I weep!_**

**_O God! Can I not grasp_**

**_Them with a tighter clasp?_**

**_O God! can I not save_**

**_One from the pitiless wave?_**

**_Is all that we see or seem_**

**_But a dream within a dream?_**__

_~A Dream Within a Dream_

_Edgar Allan Poe_

_ _

_ _

***

_ _

The Ghosts In My Head 

Chapter Four: The Remains of Love Exhumed

_ _

_ _

_ _

_ _

_ _

_ _

_Bang.Bang.Bang._

_ _

__Ariadne stood and stretched.It must be whomever Severus had invited over.As long as it wasn't that Avery man, she would be all right.Everything was going to be just fine.Deep breaths.

_Bang.Bang.Bang._

_ _

__"Ria, just let them knock their hand to death, then!"

"Fine, I'll get the door, Sev!Calm down!"

Muttering about stupid brothers who couldn't greet their own slimy friends, she went to answer the door.She was not expecting to see the person that she greeted, however.

"Lucius?"

"Ah, Miss Snape.We meet again."Lucius Malfoy pushed past her and went into the living room, leaving her standing at the open door, a look of utter confusion on her face.

"I didn't know you and Severus kept in touch," she said, following him into the room.

He sat on the couch, looking right at home."Yes, and I didn't know you lived here."

She glared at him."I don't."

He raised an eyebrow."Oh, so you're just here to visit at eleven in the evening?"

She scowled and sat next to him on the couch."I'm staying here tonight.My other place of residence is not available for me tonight."

"Well, did you answer the door?"Severus came in, sneering as usual.

"Yes, your highness," Ariadne spat at him.

Lucius chuckled."Are things always so pleasant between you two?"

Severus glared at his sister."No, she just refused my offer of killing her big-headed ex."

Ariadne snorted."Big-headed Remus is _not_."

A man with his self-confidence level?No wonder he didn't fight Arabella Figg's advances.

Lucius nodded."Ah, the illustrious Mr. Lupin.I have heard all about the fiasco with him.Your sister gave an impressive lecture, Severus, I must say."

Severus looked confusedly at Lucius."How would you know?"

Lucius chuckled."You could hear her yelling at him from the front steps of the Ministry building."

Ariadne put her head in her hands as Severus stared."Is that what you meant when you said you dealt with him?"

Ariadne slowly nodded."Er…I think he was properly embarrassed."

Severus stood over Ariadne, making his six foot four inch frame look even larger and more menacing than usual."You mean to tell me that you didn't even curse him?"

Lucius smirked."Oh, her speech was eloquent, though.And rather sarcastic, as well."

"Yes, well, that's what living with _him_ will do," she replied, nodding at Severus.

Severus was at a loss for words."Ria, let me—"

"No."She glared pointedly at him."Now get on with your business."

Severus reluctantly turned to his guest."Lucius, about tomorrow night--"

Lucius interrupted the speaker."Why are you still here?" he asked, nodding at Ariadne.

She turned her death glare on Lucius."I know all about your Dark exploits, Malfoy.Hell, I even come up with some of the ideas.I lack only the brand, robes, and mask."

"Why don't you join us, then?"Lucius put his feet up on the coffee table and smirked at her once again.

"She hasn't the stomach for the Arts," Severus said shortly."Now can we please get back to the topic on hand—"

"Wait Sev, I want to hear about this thing with your sister.What do you mean, she hasn't the stomach?"

"I'm not Little Miss Dark Arts, Malfoy," Ariadne said evenly."Now drop it."

"But—"

Severus stopped him."Lucius, would you like to explain to the Dark Lord why we don't have this planned?Because I'm not really in the mood for the Cruciatus Curse.Maybe next week."He glared irritably at his friend.

Lucius scowled."All right."He looked at Ariadne and winked.She rolled her eyes.

"As I was saying," Severus continued, "we still need to figure out how to get into the Auror's Wing of the building undetected…"

As the two men discussed and debated, Ariadne found her thoughts drifting once again to Remus.

He had not turned out to be the perfect man, not by any stretch of the imagination.But he had been good to Ariadne, and never treated her wrong, save that one time at the Potter wedding, where Ariadne thought he was being controlling.She had ended the evening by trying to convince Sirius Black to run away with her.

But what had possessed him to cheat on her?Did Arabella push him into it?Maybe—just maybe— (here Ariadne felt a glimmer of hope) he was put under a curse?

No, that couldn't be it.He had tried to deny it, and had he been cursed, he would have admitted it and said that he didn't have control over his own body.Besides, as an Auror, he was trained to fight off the Imperius Curse.

Ariadne felt a new wave of hate come over her as she remembered the way Remus had been holding Arabella, his ruffled hair and shirt, her smug grin—

Remus!Yes, that was it!And then…they could do a little payback!That was how to get into the Auror's Wing!

"Remus!" she said suddenly, interrupting the men's conversation.

"Listen, Ariadne, we're done talking about your ex, if you don't mind.We have more important things to deal with than your wounded pride and heart."

For once, Ariadne ignored her brother's sarcasm.

"Remus can get you into the Auror's Wing!" she exclaimed excitedly.

Lucius raised an eyebrow and looked at her dubiously."The goody-two-shoes Gryffindor help _us_ get into the Auror's Wing?You can't possibly be serious."

"He's not going to know, you idiot," she snapped at him."Just let me explain, all right?"Without waiting for an answer, she continued, "Remus is an Auror, right?Well, his office has windows…and I know the Charm needed to open them."

Severus' eyes widened."You mean…"

"That's right," Ariadne said smugly."I'll just tell you the Charm and you can break in very easily.And wreck his office or something while you're at it."

"Oh, so you're doing this for revenge?" Lucius asked, raising an eyebrow again.

"Of course.What, you think I'd help you and not get anything out of it?"She snorted."What kind of Slytherin would I be?"

"A bad one," Severus agreed."Does his door have a charm on it?"

She nodded."But I know that one too."

Lucius stood."Well, I guess that solves all of our problems.Thanks, elf."

She glared at him."Hey!"

He shrugged."It isn't my fault you stopped growing at nine," he drawled.

She glared at him and grabbed her cloak."Severus, I'm going to go drown my sorrows in alcohol.I may end up at Lily's, so don't expect me to come home."

She nodded at Lucius and headed towards the door.

The nerve of that man!Telling her what to do and such!She took it from Severus; he was, after all, her brother.But Lucius Malfoy?No!He had no right, none whatsoever, to just come in and—

"Ariadne!"

She turned to find Lucius running up the path to meet her, having said goodbye to Severus.

"What do you want, Lucius?" Ariadne asked, not stopping her walk.

"If you're going to a pub, I'd be happy to go with you," he said smoothly, smiling coolly at her.

He said it as if going to a pub with him was the highest honor anyone could ever hope to achieve, especially if he offered.She looked at him appraisingly, wondering if anyone had a bigger ego than he seemed to possess.

"I'd actually rather go alone, thank you."She increased her pace along the sidewalk.

"No you wouldn't."Gods, did he ever go away?

"How do you know that, Mister High-and-Mighty Malfoy?" she said evenly, slowing her pace a bit.

"Because I want to go get drunk to forget about Narcissa as well," he said, grabbing her arm."And I want company."

She sighed."All right.Come with me."

He grinned."No, my dear, you are coming with me."He took her arm and, without another word, Apparated away.

***

**_"Father!Please!"_**

**_ _**

**_"How dare you embarrass me in front of my colleagues!You're going to pay for that, girl!"_**

**_ _**

**_Smack!_**

**_ _**

**_"Father!"_**

**_ _**

**_Smack!_**

**_ _**

**_"Please!"_**

**_ _**

**_"And that friend of yours—the muggle-born—you are never to talk to her again, understand me?"_**

**_ _**

**_"But Father, Severus has a muggle-born friend, why don't you--"_**

**_ _**

**_Smack!_**

**_ _**

**_"Don't talk about your brother that way, bitch!He's a good child, not a dissapointment like you!He would never disgrace the family name like that!"_**

**_ _**

**_"But father--!"_**

**_ _**

**_Smack!_**

**_ _**

**_"Father!"_**

**_ _**

**_Smack!_**

_ _

_**Smack!**_

_ _

_**"Go throw yourself in the lake, bitch.You'd be doing us all a favor."**_

**__**

__***

"Malfoy, where the hell are we?"

Lucius grinned at Ariadne."My dear Ria," he said, patting her shoulder, "we are at the best pub in all of England—perhaps even the world.Welcome to Malfoy Manor."

She stared at him in disbelief."You have got to be kidding."

He shook his head."No.My House-Elf can make any drink you want—and you don't have to fork over five sickles, either."

She was still staring at him."I say I want to go to a pub, and you take me to your _house_?"

He nodded."What would you like?"

"I would like to leave," she said, looking around."Where's the door?"

He grabbed her arm and pushed her into an armchair."Stay there," he ordered."Dobby!"

A few seconds later, a House-Elf wearing a torn pillowcase appeared, looking fearful.Ariadne couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for the little creature, but remembered that it was a House-Elf; its job was to serve.

"Yes, Master?" the elf asked in a squeaky voice.

"Dobby," Lucius said, "bring me my usual.And get her whatever she wants."He nodded at Ariadne.

Dobby nodded and turned to Ariadne."What is you wanting, Miss?" he squeaked out.

She sighed."Champagne."

The elf nodded and disappeared.

Lucius turned to Ariadne."Champagne?"

She shrugged."You said I didn't have to pay for it, and I've always had a liking for the stuff, so…"

Dobby appeared again, handing Ariadne a flute of Champagne and Lucius a bottle of Whisky.

"Drink often?" she asked, watching him down half the bottle.

"Only when I'm depressed," he responded, downing the other half."And I have never been more depressed."

Ariadne laughed.She took a sip of Champagne."Your way looks like more fun."

"What's stopping you?"He had started another bottle, this time taking his time.

"Surely you know that you're supposed to sip slowly at Champagne, not chug it down like a wild man," she responded with a mock air of surprise."Your parents didn't own the Handbook of Manners for Alcoholic Beverages?"

Lucius laughed, spitting out some of his drink."They actually did drill the rules into my head…I've just chosen to forget them.After all, they're dead, I'm not, and I want a drink.Go on, down it, I won't tell anyone."

Ariadne grinned impishly and polished off the Champagne."Your drink looks better than mine as well."

He handed her his half-finished bottle."There you go."

She took it and took a swig."So, Lucius, when you aren't playing Death Eater, what do you do?"

He leaned back in his chair, putting his feet up on an ottoman."I work at the Ministry.Department of Experimental Charms."

She stared at him."Gods!Do you know how much those people get paid?"

He chuckled."Every time I look at my paycheck.How do you think I afford all this?My inheritance only goes so far."

Ariadne snorted."Bet it goes farther than mine."

"What do you do when you aren't being a sarcastic little vixen?" Lucius looked at her curiously, sneering nonetheless.

"I'm trying to get into Polviety.I'm a healer."

"Polviety?" Lucius sounded impressed."Not bad."

Not bad?Polviety was the best school for healers there was.Either Lucius didn't know this, or (more likely) he did and wasn't going to let on that he knew she had to be good.

"How old are you?" he asked suddenly.

"Twenty-one next month," she replied, surprised."Why?"

"Just wondering if I could screw you legally," he said without a trace of humor or embarrassment, finishing another drink.

Ariadne took another bottle."You could.Though Severus might come after you if he knew."Hell, who cared if Lucius screwed her?Anything to get rid of the memory of Remus.Besides, Lucius _was_ rather attractive…

Lucius nodded."Over-protective?"

"Ex-ext—very much."She sighed.Great, now her words were slurring.She should have known better than to drink so much—low tolerance for alcohol ran in the family.Ariadne of all people should know better than others—the beatings were ten times worse when her father was drunk.

"Hmm.Are you any good?"Lucius certainly was smooth.He said this as though he was merely asking the time.

Before Ariadne knew what she was doing (she was awfully drunk by this point), she set down her drink, gone over to Lucius, and sat herself down in his lap.

"Y-you tell me," She whispered seductively in his ear.

He pressed his lips to hers, and she opened her mouth, giving him full reign.He put his hands on her back and pulled her so close to him she thought her ribs would break.

She pulled away."Lucius," she gasped out."I—"

He kissed her again, his tongue probing its way through her mouth.She moaned and leant against him, kissing him back with a fire that matched his own.

He took this as a sign of permission, and pulled her to her feet, pushing her out of the room. He pushed her all the way to the foot of the stairs, then picked her up and carried her up the steps in a way that made Ariadne think of that Muggle book Lily had made her read called Gone With the Wind. 

Lucius walked through the open door to his bedroom, still carrying her easily.Ariadne wasn't the skinniest person, but she was so short that she weighed very little, especially to a man that worked out.He threw her onto his bed and kissed her again, removing her clothing as he did.

She began to do the same to him, but logic took over.What was she doing, sleeping with a Malfoy?This wouldn't help her get over Remus.She pushed Lucius away and rolled over onto the other side of the bed, gasping for breath.

"We—we can't—do—do this," she breathed. "It's not right—we're drunk, and—"

"I'm not drunk," he broke in, massaging her shoulders in a way that sent tingles up and down her spine."I can handle my alcohol."

"Well, us Snapes can't," she protested."And I don't want to—"

"Yes you do," he whispered gently, moving his hands slowly towards her breasts."You do want to.You want it so badly it hurts, doesn't it?"His hands reached their destination, and he idly caressed her breasts.

She shivered and leaned away from him."N—no, I don't," she protested feebly."I—I just want—"

He pulled her closer and turned her so that she was looking up at him."You just want me," he murmured as he brought his mouth down on hers in a searing kiss.

She didn't protest.

Disclaimer:I own Ariadne and her abusive parents.The chapter title belongs to Barenaked Ladies, from a song called _Call and Answer_.Someone remind me to give the CD back to my sister, I've such a bad memory…


	6. So Irresistable

I manage to shake the memories away, and I calm down a bit

A/N:I am exploring new territories here, folks.I actually like Lucius Malfoy.Yes, that's right.I like him.However, I will not be changing his, 'I-am-god' attitude…yet, anyway.He fits in perfectly…I promise, nothing awful.

***
    
     
    
    **_All her hours were yellow sands,_**
    
    **_Blown in foolish whorls and tassels;_**
    
    **_Slipping warmly through her hands;_**
    
    **_Patted into little castles._**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_Shiny day on shiny day_**
    
    **_Tumbled in a rainbow clutter,_**
    
    **_As she flipped them all away,_**
    
    **_Sent them spinning down the gutter._**
    
    **_ _**
    
    **_Leave for her a red young rose,_**
    
    **_Go your way, and save your pity;_**
    
    **_She is happy, for she knows_**
    
    **_That her dust is very pretty._****__**

_~Epitaph For a Darling Lady_

_Dorothy Parker___

** **

** ** **The Ghosts In My Head** Chapter Five: So Irresistible 
    
     

_ _

_ _

_ _

_ _

_I manage to shake the memories away, and I calm down a bit._

_ _

_The numbness has faded away to a dull ache. _

_ _

_"Pluto!Do you have your wand on you?"_

_ _

_Wand?_

__

_"No, but someone's is on the floor.Why?"_

_ _

_Yes, why?Magic isn't allowed over the summer.And I don't think she's a healer—no, I would have known.The only one of them that's a healer is—_

__

"Give it to me."

_ _

_What?_

_ _

_"Sephie, you know we can't use magic over the holidays!We'll get in trouble with the Ministry!"_

_ _

_"It doesn't matter, Luke!She's the best at Charms here, and maybe she can save Mum!Who cares about the Ministry?"_

_ _

_Really, Lucas.You shouldn't be such a stickler for rules._

_ _

_"Lumnamo," I hear one of them whisper.Warmth fills me again._

_ _

_Thank you._

_ _

_"It worked!"_

_ _

_I am warm._

_ _

_I can think.I can see.The world is no longer spinning._

_ _

_Thank the Gods._

***

"Lucius."

"Hmm?"

"Do you have anything to do tonight?" Ariadne was sitting on her boyfriend's lap, successfully distracting him from his work.

"Not at the moment, but I will if I can't get this work done.Get off, now."He sounded irritated.

She slid off in shock."Luce, that's the first time you've actually not wanted me on your lap."

"I have to finish this, Ria," he replied, not looking up from his desk.

She sighed."Well, will you at least come to a club tonight with me, Severus, and Dinah?"

He looked up."That Muggle girl is coming?"His face had a look of a mixture of disgust and dislike.

Ariadne sighed."For the last time, she is not a Muggle, she's a witch, and a Slytherin at that.And she's seeing Severus, so be nice."

He raised his eyebrows."Severus and Banks?You mean they weren't together before?"He looked at her dubiously."At school, we all thought that they…"

She sighed."I know what you thought, but they were just friends.They got together last month at a club.They were playing that song—the one I made you listen to with the French lyrics?"

Lucius nodded."I rather liked that song.And, if I recall correctly, I rather liked what we did after we listened to the song."

"Anyway," Ariadne continued, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend's one-track dirty mind, "they were playing that song, and they danced, and then Dinah whispered the lyrics in Severus' ear.He went all stiff and looked at her like she was Heir of Slytherin.Then she kissed him, and one thing led to another…I'm just surprised it took them so long."

"Hmm," Lucius said uninterestedly, looking at his work.

"Come with us, please?"She took up her previous request." Oh, come on, Luce.Please?For me?"She batted her eyelashes at him.

Lucius stood and encircled her with his arms."You are so cute when you beg."

She rested her head on his chest."You're always cute."

He kissed the top of her head."You too, Elf."

"I'm so lucky I found you."She breathed in his scent—after-shave and coffee, mixed in with a bit of cologne.Ariadne could never get enough of the way he smelled—or of him, for that matter.

"Yes, you are."He kissed the top of her head again.

She sighed.His major flaw was his ego—he would never be rid of that.Oh well.She could live with that—after all, it was kind of cute when he was trying to be macho.

"So you'll come then?"

He sighed."Yes, if you'll let me get back to my work."He looked at his desk longingly."I need to finish this…"

She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him."But Lucius, L love, I had other plans…" she whispered suggestively.

He sighed and kissed her."What's the use?I'm not going to get anything done, not with you around."

She giggled, slipping out of his embrace. "Go back to work, Luce.I have other things to do."She had changed her mind.She wanted to go dancing with him, so she had to let him work.There were other things she could do.

"What could possibly be more important than me?"Lucius looked indignant.

"Robes."She grinned impishly at him."I need robes.All the ones I have are black.I need red ones for Polviety."

"I remember how worried you were that you wouldn't get in," Lucius mused, going back to his desk."That was stupid."

Ariadne rolled her eyes.In his own, special way, he was complimenting her.Really, he was.He just wasn't very good at it.If you added that to Severus' inability to comfort anyone, you had your basic jerk.And if you added Remus' cheating, you had your perfect jerk, lacking only the really good shag, because while Lucius was great, Remus wasn't that good, and Ariadne really had no desire to know what her brother was like in bed.

"Yes, Lucius, it was," Ariadne agreed, not wanting to get into a "discussion" about it."So, I'm off to buy my robes—I'll see you tonight at eight?At Severus'?"

He nodded irritably."Fine."

She sighed.Lucius was always working.He never took a break.And it wasn't as if he even needed to work—despite his protests otherwise, his inheritance would last him until he died, and then some.The Malfoy family, unlike the Snape family, had wisely kept their money, not gambled it away on Quidditch matches.

She disappeared after giving Lucius a kiss on the cheek, reappearing in Diagon Alley.She swiftly walked towards Madam Malkin's, shaking her head.Lucius was such a workaholic.He needed to get some fun in his life—fun that didn't solely involve sex, although that was rather fun.

Ariadne grinned at that thought as she entered the shop, humming softly to herself.She went over to look at red robes for school, and scowled when she saw the selection.

"Must they all be maroon?" she sneered quietly, fingering several robes."Why not dark red, bloodred?Or even pink.Anything is better than maroon."

"At least you aren't wearing yellow maternity robes, dear," said a voice from the other side of the rack.

Ariadne tried to peer over the top of the rack, found she was too short, and went over to the other side, muttering angrily about her height.

Molly Weasley stood on the other side, her stomach rather enlarged, looking at maternity robes.She sighed as she fingered the regular robes longingly.

"Again, Molly?" Ariadne asked, looking at Molly's stomach.She had already had two or three children, all boys, if Ariadne remembered correctly.

Molly sighed."It's only my third, dear.And I'm a fair bit older than you, so this could be the last."

Ariadne tutted."You can't be more than ten years older than me, Molly.So you're what—thirty, thirty-one?Come now, you aren't too old to have children.Goodness, it could be years before I have children—if I ever get married, that is."

Ariadne knew Molly from the hospital that Ariadne had worked at while apprenticing.Molly had been a nurse there, and they had quickly bonded, being the only two women there under the age of seventy.

"Oh, you'll get married, Ria.Arthur tells me that you're with that Malfoy character now, what about him?"Molly winked at her."You never know…though Arthur would hate to see you marry him, always going on about how much he hates the man…"She trailed off suddenly, seeming to think she had said enough already.

Ariadne sighed."Lucius isn't a bad man, really.And he hates Arthur just as much as Arthur hates him.Really and truly.I happen to like your husband, though…I saw him at the Ministry a lot whenever I went in to see my father…rather nice to me…I harbored something of a crush on him when I was eleven or so."

Molly smiled fondly at the mention of her husband."Well, I've never been particularly fond of the Malfoys myself, but…if you're happy, dear."Molly sighed and nodded at Ariadne."I've got to run, dear.I promised Bill I'd buy him a Fizzing Whizbee, and Charlie wants a toy broom…I'll see you later."She left the shop in a hurry without purchasing a robe.

"Oh, I am," Ariadne whispered into the fabric of the maroon robe she was holding."I'm so happy."

She stood there, holding the robe, for a bit, ignoring the curious looks the clerks were giving her.And years later, she would tell her future daughter-in-law that it was then that she knew.

She knew then, at that very moment, in the back of Madam Malkin's, clutching the ugliest robe she had ever seen, that she was going to happy for a long time.And nobody could ever tell her otherwise.

Because she was going to marry him.

***

_ _

I remember my wedding.

_ _

_The details are blurry…the world is blurry.The memories inside my head are blurry._

_ _

_It was a huge affair.Of course.Lucius…he wanted it that way._

__

Lucius had to have the biggest wedding of the year.The best wine.The fanciest dress.

_ _

_My dress…I didn't want lace, or sequins, or anything of the sort.I wanted something simple.Lucius wouldn't have any of it._

_ _

_I smile at that memory.The fights we got into over my dress…_

_ _

_**"I don't want lace, Luce!It's impractical!"**_

**_ _**

**_"All of the bride robes have lace!It's a wizarding tradition, you know that!"_**__

_ _

"But I don't want it!I want a simple, plain--"

_ _

**_"No wife of mine is going to have a simple dress, dammit!"_**

**_ _**

**_"What, so you won't marry me if I don't have lace?"_**

**_ _**

**_"Yes!"_**

_ _

_So I had lace._

_ _

I didn't care about the wedding…I was never one of those hopeless romantics…I never spent hours on end talking with my mother about being proposed to or the perfect man.Actually, I never spent hours on end talking to my mother about anything.

_ _

_Nine hundred and eighty-two people attended the wedding._

_ _

Nine hundred and eighty-two people to sit and watch you walk down an aisle, waiting for you to mess up.Nine hundred and eighty-two people to listen to the vows that you wrote for your husband.Nine hundred and eighty-two people casting their fake smiles on you as you leave the huge chapel, arm in arm with your new husband.

_Nine hundred and eighty-two people came to the reception.___

Most of the females of that nine hundred and eighty-two wanting to dance with your husband, not even caring that he was married.Most of the males there staring at you with looks of lust on their faces.

Then there was the small fight that broke out between the people that I had invited and the Death Eater friends of Lucius…

__

Still, it was a nice wedding.

_ _

_Oww!_

_ _

_Damn stomach.Can't leave me alone, can it?_

_ _

_Oh!I'm sweating from the pain.Trying to live is harder than It thought it would be.I will—not—give—up._

_ _

_Think wedding.Think wedding.Think escorting James Potter and Severus out of the room so that they wouldn't kill each other.Think Severus coming back in and proposing to Dinah.Think Dinah smacking him across the face for fighting, then fainting from the shock of being proposed to._

_ _

_Lucius wanted a wedding the guests would talk about for ages._

_ _

_He got it._

_ _

_I still have that robe that I held in Diagon Alley.The one that I was holding when I knew I was going to marry Lucius.I've yet to wear it.Sometimes, when I feel sentimental, I go and look at it.Touch it.Feel it.It reminds of why I love Lucius so much._

_ _

_Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I hadn't married him._

_ _

_I wouldn't be in this much pain.That I know._

***

Ariadne and Lucius Malfoy were sitting in the best, most expensive suite in the best, most expensive wizard hotel in the Alps.It was the last day of their two-week honeymoon, and they had decided to spend the day together in their room.Or, more specifically, in the spacious bed that was in their room.

Ariadne lay on her back, Lucius on his side facing her, arm flung over her stomach.He rested his head on hers, and she buried her nose into his collarbone.

"Luce?" Ariadne said quietly, a thought occurring to her.

"What?"He lifted his head and kissed her forehead.

"I know you're going to want to do this," she began, playing with his fingers, "but I don't want you to pay for the rest of my time at Polviety.It's only a year—remember, I told you, they moved me up because of my skill level—and I worked so hard to save up enough money, and I don't want that work to have been for nothing, so I'm going to pay for it."

Ariadne had worked her ass off at a magical hospital in London for two years while she was apprenticing, doing things such as scrubbing bedpans and changing sheets.It took her fifteen months to get promoted to nurse, and that was when she had befriended Molly Weasley.None of the other nurses believed Ariadne could heal because she was so young—only eighteen or nineteen as opposed to their seventy.

Hell would freeze over before Ariadne let some one else pay her way through school.Not after all of the work she had done.Stubbornness was a Snape quality, and Ariadne had the worst of it.She would pay her own college fare if it killed her.

Lucius sounded confused as he replied."Actually, darling, I had thought you would drop out."

Silence followed this statement as Ariadne processed it.Drop out?He wanted her to drop out?After she had worked so hard to get the money to pay?Plus, she wanted to be a healer.He had to be kidding.There was no way she was leaving, he knew that.

"You're joking, right?" she asked in disbelief."You know how hard I've worked for this.I could get a job—"

"Yes, but you're married now.Married women don't work."Lucius said this as if it were a fact, not an opinion, and it was undoubtedly the latter.Plenty of married women worked!Lily Potter, Molly Weasley, Jacqueline Bones…and Ariadne was willing to bet anything that Dinah would work come next summer, which was when Ariadne's brother's wedding was planned.They had decided to wait a year or so before getting married.Severus was very uncertain about being married.Ariadne personally thought that he was afraid of children—he had never been a fan of small people.

Ariadne realized that telling her husband about the working wives she knew wouldn't help he situation.Lucius was not fond of any of Ariadne's friends, married or not.

Ariadne sighed."Lucius, this could be a good thing.After college, I could help bring in some money—" 

Lucius jumped out of the bed and pulled on his boxers, an angry expression on his usually expressionless face."You don't need to bring in any fucking money!I have enough for us to live forever!And no wife of mine is going to work!"

"So what, we're back to this again?" she yelled, leaving the bed as well, searching the room for her undergarments."Like the wedding dress—you'll divorce me if I finish school and work?"She found her panties under a heel and threw the heel aside, narrowly missing Lucius' head.

"Yes!" he yelled, throwing her bra at her.

She caught it, so angry her hands were shaking."So what am I supposed to do at home by myself, then?You know how bored I'll be?"She couldn't get the bra on; her hands were shaking too much to hook the small hooks."Shit!" she cursed, trying in vain to hook the 

undergarment.

"Take up sewing!"He went over to her, and took the bra from her hands.He hooked her bra for her, then put his arms around her waist, resting his head on her chin."Look, Ria," he said in a slightly softer tone, "you don't need to go to school.You don't need to work.I can support you."

"But Lucius, I want to work," she protested."You don't seem to understand that." 

He softly kissed her cheek. "But you don't need to.And you aren't going to," he said firmly, tightening his grip on her."And I don't want to hear another word about it."

Ariadne sighed.It was one of the first times in her life that she had ever given up on anything.Her motto had always been, "get what you want or die trying."And now she was changing it just so she could keep her husband happy?

Perhaps that was what marriage was all about.Keeping your husband happy.But shouldn't a husband want to keep his wife happy?Not a husband like Lucius, obviously.

Suddenly Ariadne realized the absurdity of the situation.If someone were to enter the room at that point, they would see two newlyweds in their undergarments, standing in luxurious suite in the Alps—in the middle of July, no less.

It was a rather nice suite, now that she thought about it.It consisted of a small kitchenette with its own House-Elf named Linky, which connected to a bathroom with a shower and a Jacuzzi that was easily big enough to allow a person of even Severus' height to lay flat in it.The bedroom, however, was the real treat of the suite.

The largest bed Ariadne had ever seen sat in the middle of the room, in front of a fireplace with a roaring fire that was charmed not to burn anything but the kindling in the fireplace.The room was lavishly decorated in red and silver, and the bed had blue silk sheets and a fur comforter.There was a small sitting are by a window that overlooked an enchanted park.At night, fairies would come out and dance.

It occurred to Ariadne that she had married into vast wealth, and that she didn't need to bring in money.What was the point of trying to argue?She didn't want to end her marriage before it had truly begun.Besides, she loved Lucius.

"Fine.I won't go to school."She sighed and leaned against him.

He kissed her neck."Good.Besides, you need to stay home with the children."

"Lucius, dear," she said in confusion, turning around in his arms to face him, "we don't have any children."

He captured her lips in a passionate kiss before saying, "I can remedy that."

The fur comforter fell to the floor as Lucius pushed her down onto the bed.

After they had made love, he played with her hair idly as he asked, "So, is all of our make-up sex going to be like that?"

She chuckled."Gods, I hope so."

A/N:No one hates me now, do you?

Disclaimer:I only own Ria and Dinah.And the room in the Alps.Everything else is JKR's and WB's.


	7. And I Forgot To Tell You I Love You

_The Ghosts In My Head_

_Chapter Six: And I Forgot to Tell You I Love You_

  
  
  


"One more push, Mrs. Malfoy. Come on, just one more." 

"See, darling?" Lucius said calmly. "This isn't so bad, is it?" 

"Shut up, Lucius! I don't see anything coming out of your vagina!" 

Ariadne was laying in her bed, giving birth to her first child, a boy that she and Lucius had decided to call Lucius Jr. Or rather, _Lucius_ had decided to call him Lucius Jr. Ariadne had pushed for Bryant, but Lucius wouldn't hear of it. He wanted his son to have a strong name everyone would know the moment they heard it. 

Doctor Fitz Blokesburg was also in the room, standing by Ariadne's husband, urging her to push. 

Despite Ariadne's protests that she was fully capable of delivering the baby herself, Lucius had insisted upon bringing in the best doctor there was in the British magical community. The two medically related issues that healers couldn't deal with were illness and pregnancy. 

Even though magic could diminish the pain slightly, there was no spell to completely remove it. So Ariadne was in an immense amount of pain, which tended to make her a bit snappish. 

"One more big push, Mrs. Malfoy. That's it." The doctor was kneeling on the floor at the end of Ariadne's bed. They had been there for eight hours already, and Dr. Blokesburg, who had to be the most patient person Ariadne had ever met, was still calmly telling her to push. Lucius was being a nuisance by trying to calm her down, and Ariadne was about to go insane. 

"You said that fifteen pushes ago, you quack!" she yelled at Blokesburg. The doctor merely chuckled. 

"She's got a temper, hasn't she?" he asked Lucius. Ariadne could hear the smile in his voice. 

"A rather-" 

"AHHH! PAIN!" screamed Ariadne, interrupting Lucius. 

"Aha, here's the head!" cried Blokesburg, catching the child's head in his hands. "This is the last push, I promise." 

Ariadne pushed, all her energy spent. She had never experienced that much pain, not even when being beaten. Never before had she felt like someone was ripping her apart from the inside out. 

"He's so small," Lucius said disapprovingly. 

"And it's a good thing. You try and have a six pound baby come out of your member, and then come talk to me about him being too small," Ariadne muttered irritably. 

Would you like to hold your son, Mrs. Malfoy?" Blokesburg placed the small bundle in her arms without waiting for an answer. 

"Oh!" she exclaimed softly, looking at the small fingers and toes. "Lucius, we--I mean--wow." She couldn't find words to describe the emotions inside of her. 

Lucius kissed her cheek. "He is most definitely not a Bryant." 

Ariadne's look of wonder turned into a scowl. "Lucius, we have just had a child. Could possibly show some emotion for once?" Honestly, the man was colder than ice. The only emotions he ever displayed were anger and love towards his wife. Despite all his faults, Ariadne knew he loved her, at least in the only way Lucius could ever love anything-coolly and mockingly. Still, he needed her…and she needed him. 

He looked at the child in her arms for a moment, then kissed Ariadne's forehead. "I love you," he said simply, taking the baby from her. "And I forgive you for all the rude comments you made whilst in labor. I know you didn't mean them." 

"Who said anything about not meaning them?" Ariadne smiled weakly up at her husband, who was too enthralled with his son to notice that she had insulted him. 

"He looks so much like me," he said in shock, fingering the blond wisps on the baby's soft head. "He even has my eyes." 

"Oh, all babies are born with blue eyes," Blokesburg put in, gathering his medical supplies. "If they're going to change, it'll happen in about six or so months." 

"Thank you for all of your help, Doctor," Lucius said with an air of finality. "I will owl you your pay." The tone of Lucius' voice made it clear that he wished the doctor gone. 

Blokesburg apparently got the hint; he nodded towards Ariadne and swept out of the room, bag in hand. 

"That was unnecessary, Luce," Ariadne scolded. "He was nice, even if he couldn't count. Honestly… 'This is the last one, Mrs. Malfoy…' if I had a Sickle for every time he said that, you'd never have to work another day in your life, love." 

Lucius softly rocked the baby. "I already don't need to, Ria. We have more than enough with my inheritance…little Junior will never ever have to worry about money." 

Junior began to wail. Lucius nearly dropped him in shock. 

Ariadne laughed. "Give him to me." Lucius gratefully handed him over. Ariadne lifted her nightshirt and lifted up the cup of her bra. She properly positioned Junior and he began to suckle contentedly. 

Lucius smirked. "I guess I'm not the only one who likes to do that." 

She reached up her hand to lightly smack him, but he caught it and squeezed. 

They stayed like that for a while, the only sound in the room the soft suckle of a baby. The world seem to freeze in that instant-the only things that mattered were the happiness and safety of the newcomer, and both adults swore a silent oath to do anything to protect the child--while the words were different, the objective was the same. 

The child couldn't know the impact that he had had on both of his parents' lives, his father in particular. Lucius Malfoy swore to protect his son, to support his son, to honor his son--but above all--to love his son. 

And that was when Lucius Malfoy truly learned how to love. 

***

  
_"Lumnamo," someone says again. _

I try to open my eyes, but they refuse to comply. 

Open, please! I silently plead. I want to see my children! 

As I try to force open my eyelids, a think back to a song that little children often say before they go to sleep… 

"Now I lay me down to sleep, 

I pray the Lord my soul to keep, 

If I should die before I wake, 

I pray the Lord my soul to take." 

_I have never really believed in a God of any sort before. _

Yes, I celebrated Christmas, but all it ever was to me was a holiday of presents and feasts. I never considered the religious aspect of it. 

There. One eye 

I'm not even sure if I was baptized. I don't believe so; I hope my parents would have told me about it, though I wouldn't put it past them to not tell me. 

The other eye. 

Everyone should go through a slow, painful death. It really makes one think about who they are and what they believe in. 

My poor children! Hera, with her tear-stained face, and Lucas, with his stern, worried expression, pacing the room nervously. Persephone and Pluto, the comical grins unusually absent from their bright faces, looking at me with concern and anger and love. 

I wonder if perhaps I had believed in a Lord of some sort, if I would still be like this. If I would be dying, struggling to overcome an impossible crisis. 

No. 

I'd still be like this. 

Besides, I've known I was going to hell since I was ten. 

I'm rather looking forward to it. 

***

  


As the next two years of Ariadne's life passed, tensions everywhere grew. She could not go out into the street without getting glares from people on both sides of the building war, and some of her Muggleborn and Slytherin Auror friends had begun avoiding her if they passed her in the street. 

Two groups of ex-Slytherins had formed: The group of Death Eaters and wives, and the group of Auror and Dumbledore supporters. Ariadne wasn't sure which side she belonged to. 

She and Lucius spoiled little Lucius Jr. rotten, as all parents do their first child-taking album after album of pictures, buying the best toys available on the market, and spending as much time with him as possible. 

At least, Ariadne did. Lucius made up for his lack of 'at home time' by buying all of those things for his son, as if he could buy his love. Ariadne was slowly convincing him that toys would never compare to a father. 

Lucius had quite a bit on his plate during those two years, but he never involved Ariadne. They talked about everything from the birds to the bees to the way that Junior was turning out, but they never reached the topic that bothered Lucius the most: 

The Dark Lord. 

Lord Voldemort had nearly doubled the amount of supporters in his circle since Ariadne and Lucius had wed. Lucius was highly valued by his Lord, and he used his influence to keep Severus safe from the other Death Eaters, who were not pleased to hear that Severus Snape, Death Eater and Potions Master extraordinaire, had married a Mudblood-a Mudblood Auror, no less. 

It didn't help that Severus had taken a job at Hogwarts, teaching children how to properly brew Potions. Ariadne didn't see how he could do it. Severus had less patience than she did, and you could fit hers on the head of a needle. 

Dinah had no idea that her husband was right in the inner circle of Lord Voldemort, the man she had sworn to kill. She had no idea that half of the Death Eaters wanted to kill her especially, struck by the belief that she had bewitched Severus. 

At some point in those two years, Severus had a revelation. He had come to Ariadne in the middle of the night, rain-soaked and exhausted. He had gotten her attention by healing a cut on his leg, and the light, which all healers are sensitive to, woke her from her slumber. 

She had instantly known that it was Severus, and, grabbing her cloak, Apparated to where he stood. 

"Ria," he croaked hoarsely, "you've got to help them." 

Ariadne looked at him with a confused expression on her face. "Help who, Sev?" 

Severus leant against a nearby tree for support. "Lily…James…Potter…Lily…help Lily…" 

Ariadne had put an arm around her brother, half supporting his weight. She could smell the cigarette smoke on his breath (Severus had always smoked), and he smelled of Veritaserum as well, for some reason. "What do you mean? Help them with what?" 

"Dark Lord…told Dumbledore…Lily," he babbled incoherently. "Dark Lord…Lily…Dumbledore…told him everything…spy…Lily…Lily…" he trailed off, slumping to the ground. 

Ariadne later found out that Severus had found out that Voldemort intended to kill James Potter, and force Lily into…certain acts… acts that made Ariadne gag. Severus had always been in love with Lily, and even though his fantasy of sweeping her off her feet in front of James Potter's jealous eyes had died long ago, he still had always liked her, even if she had broken his heart. 

So Severus had decided to switch sides, for that reason and others he would not divulge, though Ariadne had a suspicion that they had something to do with his wife. Severus was now a spy for the light side, and Dumbledore apparently was not going to turn him over to the Aurors. Dumbledore had always liked Severus, for some reason-he had liked both Snapes, actually (Ariadne had been a frequent visitor of his, getting sent up for committing some rebellious crime)-and had taken pity on the young man with parents so involved in the Dark Arts. Ariadne realized that her brother had probably played this card. 

In truth, Ariadne figured that Severus was still slightly in love with Lily-in love enough to defy his master to save her life. So he had no choice but to tell Dumbledore that he was a Death Eater, and offer his services as a spy to repent. Dumbledore had most likely mentioned something about Severus' parents and how focused upon the Arts they had been, and Severus had grabbed the opportunity. Ariadne knew her brother well enough to know that he was good at using other people's faults to his advantage-in this case, Dumbledore's pity and trust, and his parents' association with the Dark Lord. Severus had never liked pity, but he liked it more than he liked Azkaban. 

While Severus was spying for the good side, Lucius was sinking deeper and deeper into the dark side. He was always pleasant to his wife and son, and it was obvious that he loved them very much, but Ariadne had caught him practicing a particularly nasty curse on the house-elf, who only calmed down after Ariadne promised that Dobby could take the afternoon off. 

Lucius began staying later then he had before with his Death Eater friends, often coming home completely wasted, which was hard for Lucius-it took a lot to get that man drunk. And as cruel as he was when he was sober, he was doubly so when soused. 

Ariadne often sensed that Lucius was fighting some inner demons-he would go into flying rampages at times, throwing things at the walls-never hurting her or Junior, but scaring them both out of their wits. Nights like that Ariadne slept in Junior's room. 

Other times, he was the sweetest man in the world-bringing home flowers and gifts, taking his wife and child out for dinner (sometimes just the two adults when he wanted it to be romantic)-and Ariadne was able see past his almost schizophrenic personality. 

It occurred to Ariadne that Lucius was behaving in almost the same way as a man in an abusive relationship would act-except for the fact that he never raised a hand to her or Junior. He would yell, scream, throw empty bottles of whisky-but he never physically hurt his wife or son. 

Ariadne tried many times to get Lucius to tell her what was bothering him, but he coldly informed her it was none of her business and quickly changed the subject every time. 

So Ariadne lived amidst this growing tension, trying her hardest to appear unaffected by it. Junior was turning out to be quite the talker-very verbal, although he didn't know very many words. He was also the "cutest little thing in the universe," according to Dinah, who was crazy about her little nephew. She never once called him Lucius, only Junior, or "June-yeh," as it sounded through her odd accent. 

It was a clear day in June when Junior sat at the table in his little booster chair, eating-or rather, playing with-his favorite food-pancakes with plenty of maple syrup. 

"Yummy!" he cried, banging his little spoon on the table, flinging syrup into Ariadne's hair. 

Ariadne groaned and picked up her wand to remove the mess. "Eat, you little demon," she said, "before I eat them for you." 

Junior looked at her in horror and pulled his little plate towards him possessively. "Mine," he said in a serious voice. 

Ariadne had to laugh at his expression. "I won't take them if you eat them! Besides," she added in an undertone, "the last thing I need to do is gain any more weight. I'm still trying to work off the flab from carrying you around for nine months, you little monster!" 

He just grinned and made pictures in his syrup. 

His mother sighed. "I could kill that damned house-elf for giving you syrup." 

He gurgled and showed her his hands, wiggling his sticky fingers. 

"Wonderful." She raised her wand and cleaned his hands and face. "Nap time!" she announced, a sigh of relief adding to the statement. 

"No." 

"Yes. I gave you a treat for lunch, and it's time for a nap." Ariadne lifted her son from his chair. "Up we go." 

"No! No nap!" he cried, trying to wiggle out of her grasp. 

"Yes. Nap time…I'll sing you the 'Love You' song, okay?" 

Junior stopped fidgeting. "'Love You' song? 

Ariadne laughed. "Yes. Before your nap." 

"No nap," he said, albeit a bit weakly. He yawned. "No sleep." 

She laughed again, opening the door to Junior's lavish room. The room was painted a soft, sage color, with a blue ceiling with his name scrawled across in huge sage letters. The curtains matched the room, whilst the carpet was an off-white color, and the floor was soft and bouncy. 

Junior's bed was a little bed that used the mattress from his old crib (Lucius had insisted that his son be out of a crib by his second birthday), and the bed was made to look like he was riding a giant broomstick, with stars that actually whizzed by him if a button was pushed. 

Ariadne pulled back the covers on the bed (with Snitches, Bludgers, and Quaffles printed on them gently placed her son in the bed, and covered him, kissing him on the cheek. 

"Do you want the 'Love You' song?" she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

He wordlessly nodded, yawning again. 

Ariadne smiled at his small figure. "Okay, love, but don't complain about my voice." 

_"I can remember the nights, _

When Mother would turn out the lights, 

And she'd sing me to sleep, in a voice soft and sweet, 

To the 'I Love You Lullaby'   


I l-o-v-e y-o-u, 

You're all of my dreams come true, 

From your cute little nose, 

To the tip of your toes, 

I l-o-v-e y-o-u   


Heaven has given to me, 

The loveliest gift that could be, 

And I cherish the sight, 

Of those eyes growing bright, 

To the 'I Love You Lullaby'   


I l-o-v-e y-o-u, 

You're all of my dreams come true, 

From your cute little nose, 

To the tip of your toes, 

I l-o-v-e y-o-u" 

The I Love You Lullaby was a Muggle song that Lily had taught Ariadne when she had asked if her friend knew any good lullabies. Apparently Lily's mother used to sing it to her, and her mother had gotten it from something called a tape. 

The song always put Junior right to sleep, and that afternoon was no exception. Ariadne tipped-toed down the stairs, walking into her brightly lit kitchen. She picked up her quilting hoop (she had taken it up, much to her chagrin), and set to her task, humming the songs from the muggle musical, The King and I, which Lily and Dinah had taken her to see, along with Sound of Music and Fiddler on the Roof. 

It was amazing how right Lucius had turned out to be. While Ariadne would love to be out healing, wielding her craft the best she could, she couldn't imagine not staying at home with her son. Of course, Junior would start school in a few years, but Ariadne hoped to have more children by then. 

Lucius had come home particularly upset the night before. Ariadne had never been used as an outlet before, and while Lucius was always passionate, this was the first time he had ever actually caused her pain in bed. 

_Bang. Bang._

Who could be at the door at this hour? All of Lucius' friends were at work, and most of Ariadne's friends were also at their respective offices, or at home with their own children. 

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

The knocking grew louder and harder. Ariadne grabbed her hoop, sighing as she rose to answer the door. 

_Bang. Bang._

"I'm coming!" she shouted. "Calm down!" 

She pulled open the door, scowling at the persistent knocker. "What do you--oh shit." She dropped her quilting, and the wooden hoop hit the floor with a loud crack. "Who are you?" she asked in a hoarse sort of whisper. 

Two men in dark robes and white masks stood in front of her. "Mrs. Malfoy, I presume?" 

Ariadne nodded wordlessly. The taller of the men stepped forward and grabbed her around the waist. "Is anyone else home?" When she didn't respond, the man shook her and yelled, "Answer me, bitch!" 

Ariadne shook her head. "N-no." 

The man leaned in closer. "Liar," he breathed. His breath was awful, and it took all of Ariadne's self-control not to back away in fear. "Tell the truth, whore!" 

"M--my son-upstairs, sleeping--he's only two, please, don't--" 

The man threw her roughly against the wall, cutting her off. He turned to the other man. "Go. You know what to do." 

The shorter man silently nodded and walked up the stairs. Ariadne let out a dry sob. 

"What are you going to do?" she said softly, looking up at the man fearfully. "Who are you?" 

"You, Mrs. Malfoy, need to learn a lesson…you are, after all, a Death Eater's wife." The man took out his wand and polished it on his robes. 

Aurors! The men were Aurors! But what were they going to do to--oh no. Oh Gods no, not Junior! No! 

She leapt for the stairs, getting to the third step before the man pulled her back, throwing her down onto the floor. 

"I think not, Mrs. Malfoy." 

"Junior!" Ariadne yelled, throwing herself at the man. Startled, he staggered back a bit, dropping his wand. Ariadne began punching every part of him that she could reach. Suddenly the man threw her back against the wall, spitting angrily on the ground. 

He went over to her and punched her in the jaw--hard. Ariadne tasted blood. He kicked her in the stomach, and she slumped down to the floor. The man retrieved his wand and stood over her, his eyes glittering madly. 

"Petrificus Totalis," he spat venomously. "Mrs. Malfoy, I'm afraid that you seem to have lost this battle. You really shouldn't have married a Death Eater, you know. Could have saved yourself a load of trouble…but you obviously don't think, do you, bitch?" 

Ariadne couldn't move, being bound, but her eyes were wide with fear. This particular curse always brought back painful memories of the night she had been raped. And this man was just as crazy as Avery had been. 

The shorter man re-entered the room. 

"Did you do it?" the taller man asked, looking up from his captive. 

The other man nodded, looking at Ariadne. 

"Good. Let's go." The two men walked towards the door, the shorter man exiting, the taller man removing the curse on Ariadne before doing the same. 

Ariadne got shakily to her feet, using the wall to steady herself. She started for the stairs, collapsing on the second step. She walked as fast as she could without slipping up the marble staircase, terrified that something had happened to her little boy. 

She pushed open the door to his room-- 

And fell to the floor. 

Hovering above Junior's bed were the words, "THIS IS TO TEACH YOU A LESSON ABOUT BEING A DEATH EATER." 

Junior lay in his bed, and it appeared that he was still sleeping. They hadn't done anything to him! He was safe! He was-- 

Cold. Stiff. His eyes were closed, and he was still. Too still. His little tummy no longer moved up and down in sync with his breathing--for he neither inhaled nor exhaled any breath. 

"No," Ariadne whispered hoarsely. "Junior! Junior, wake--no! Junior, please! Junior, please, wake up! For Mummy! Please, Junior, don't be dead!" 

She threw herself upon her son, cradling him to her chest. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, and she rocked the small child in her arms. 

"Junior! Please! No, you can't be dead! No, not you! Not my baby! Please, come back! Junior!" 

He didn't answer, Ariadne just held him, pleading with him over and over again to come back. This wasn't happening. He wasn't dead. The men hadn't killed him. 

Ariadne didn't know how long she sat there, pleading with her dead child, but she was jerked back to reality when she heard the front door open and close. 

"Ria? Junior? I'm home, where are you two?" Usually Junior ran to the door when his father arrived home. 

Ariadne was filled with a blinding rage unlike she had ever felt. She gently placed her son on the bed, kissing his forehead. She practically flew out of the room and down the stairs, leaping onto her husband, knocking him to the ground. 

"You bastard!" she yelled, punching his face as hard as she could. "You fucking bastard! You did it! You fucking did it! It's your fucking fault! You bastard! You fucking bastard…" She trailed off, sobbing, still beating her fists against him. 

Lucius looked shocked. "What did I do, Love? What's my fault? And why are you punching me?" 

"Go upstairs, you bastard!" she screamed at him. "Go see what the fuck you've done!" 

He extricated himself from her grip and slowly climbed the stairs, as if he was afraid of what he would see. And so he should be. And it was all his fault. All his damned, fucking fault, the bastard. She was going to-- 

An anguished moan that she had never heard from Lucius before could be heard throughout the entire house. She looked up at the staircase as Lucius ran down them, tears blurring her vision. 

He skipped the last three steps and fell to the floor in his haste to get to his wife. He threw himself at her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She buried her head in his chest as he held her, kissing her forehead and smoothing her hair. 

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking. "I never thought--" he stopped, changing his tone of voice. "Who did it?" he asked, voice harsh. "Who did it?" 

"Men--in masks," Ariadne sobbed. "Aurors. They were. I know--" 

"I'll kill them," he said hoarsely. "We will. We won't rest--my friends--they'll help-Severus--we'll kill them. They won't live to see another week." 

She sobbed, and he held her, never once letting a tear fall from his eyes. His grip on his wife tightened as thought about the men that had killed his son. His only son. They would pay. He would make sure of that.

  
  
  
  


A/N: Gods, that was hard. I really liked Luce Jr., too. He was so cute… 

Disclaimer: I only own Ariadne, and Luce Jr., now deceased…*sob*. Okay, that was mean of me, I know, but it had to happen! Half the plot is based off of this… Chapter title comes from Sarah McLaughlin's _I Love You_. Thanks to Abby, who gave me the title…betas are wonderful, aren't they?


	8. I'm Sorry, I had A Bad Day Again

Chapter Seven: I'm Sorry, I Had A Bad Day Again

_The Ghosts In My Head_

_Chapter Seven: I'm Sorry, I had A Bad Day Again_

  
  
  


_**Because I could not stop for Death-- **_

He kindly stopped for me-- 

The Carriage held but just Ourselves-- 

And Immortality.  
  


We slowly drove--He knew no haste 

And I had put away 

My labor and my leisure too, 

For His Civility--  
  


We passed the School, where Children strove 

At Recess--in the Ring-- 

We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain-- 

We passed the Setting Sun--  
  


Or rather--He passed us-- 

The Dews drew quivering and chill-- 

For only Gossamer, my Gown-- 

My Tippet--only Tulle--  
  


We paused before a House that seemed 

A Swelling of the Ground-- 

The Roof was scarcely visible-- 

The Cornice-in the Ground--  
  


Since then--'tis Centuries--and yet 

Feels shorter than the Day 

I first surmised the Horses' Heads 

Were toward Eternity-- 

Emily Dickinson, _Because I Could Not Stop For Death_  
  
  
  
  
  


***

_After that, Lucius never let me go out alone until Draco was born, and the wards on the manor became nearly impossible to break. _

Bad things always seem to happen to me, don't they? 

What is it with me? Do I just attract sadness? Heartbreak? Do I have a sign around my neck that says, 'Please, make my life miserable?' 

Perhaps it's just the bad luck of the Snapes. We all seem to have bad lives. 

I suppose storybook endings don't exist, though, do they? 

Storybook endings… 

I remember pretending to be Rapunzel, praying that my handsome prince would come and rescue me from my jailers-my parents. He never came, and so I stopped believing in fairy tales. 

No…the magic of Muggle fairytales (which are often told to magical children to amuse them) was lost to me forever. I was foolish for believing in them--just as I was foolish for believing that my parents might, somewhere deep inside, love me. 

But who could love me? 

I stopped believing in myself. Perhaps I hadn't wished hard enough? Perhaps all of the handsome princes in the world didn't want an unloved, ugly, scrawny girl to be their princess--and who could blame them? 

According to Amitan Flint, I had 'a face only a mother could love.' 

Hell, my mother didn't even love my face. She didn't love anything about me. 

Imagine, a nine-year-old, thinking these thoughts, trying to slit her wrists with a dinner knife. I realize now that I just should have told my parents I was suicidal--they would have handed me a butcher knife. 

The house-elf saved me, though. With a mix of bribery, manipulation, and some good old blackmailing, I managed to make him agree to keep my slashings secret. 

He was always a little afraid of me. 

***

  


The wind blew hard over the group of people huddled together, adding to the darkness of the situation. There was a light drizzle, but most of the crowd didn't notice, or if they did, they didn't care. The rain blended with their tears. 

Slowly, the group thinned out until only a few people remained. One of these people was Ariadne Malfoy. 

She was completely oblivious to the people passing her by, whether they were patting her on the back and giving her looks of sympathy or giving her looks as though she didn't deserve to live. 

"What is it with me and funerals lately?" she asked to no one in particular, silent tears running freely down her face. 

"You all right, dear?" An arm came around her shoulders, pulling her into a sideways hug. 

Ariadne sighed. "Why, Molly, why? Why couldn't we save them? And why did he have to--" 

Molly Weasley gently kissed her forehead. "Don't speak his name. He doesn't deserve it, dear. I know how close you were to them--" 

"Oh Molly," Ariadne whispered, leaning her head on the older woman's shoulder, "I was over there just last week! Draco and little Harry were playing together, and they were so cute…" 

"Shhh, dear, they died honorably. You know that they wouldn't want you to be sad like this." 

Ariadne chuckled bitterly, a lump forming in her throat. "Actually, James would have thought it was funny; seeing Snape's sister cry. Still…at least Harry made it…they thought the world of that child…Molly, they loved him so much…and she was pregnant…oh, Gods, they were going to have a daughter…" 

Molly squeezed her shoulder and left, sensing Ariadne's need to be alone. She stared at the tombstone, reading the names over and over again, silently willing them to not be dead. 

It didn't work with Junior, she thought miserably, why would it work with Lily and James? Why? I don't have that kind of luck… 

"Ria?" came a croaky sort of voice, interrupting her thoughts. 

"Dinah." 

"Ria, I can't believe it." As Dinah stood next to Ariadne by the stone, Ariadne reached out and interlaced her fingers with Dinah's. 

"The shock will go away soon," Ariadne said in a dead, hollow voice. "To be replaced by anger, sadness, and guilt." 

Dinah shook her head. "They aren't dead. They aren't this isn't happening. I'm dreaming." 

Ariadne squeezed Dinah's hand. "I wish you were. I wish we all were." 

"I am!" Dinah all but shouted, dropping her hand from Ariadne's. "This is not real! They aren't dead! It never happened! I'm not--" she broke down sobbing, collapsing to the ground. 

Severus suddenly appeared at her side, scooping his wife into his arms. 

"She's taken this harder than I expected," he remarked quietly to Ariadne. "I had no idea that she would--I think she feels as if it was partially her fault. Foolish girl--if anyone is to blame, it's me." Severus averted his gaze to the ground, a familiar pain in his eyes. It was the look in his eyes that he had held when Lily had left him for James. 

Ariadne pecked her brother on the cheek. "It isn't your fault at all, Severus. There was nothing you could do." 

Dinah was calmer in his arms, but she still held a look of fear in her eyes that made Severus sigh. "I need to get her home," he said, smoothing his wife's hair. "Besides, I don't like to leave Madeline with Filch for too long; he scares her." 

Ariadne looked at Dinah's still form and was unable to suppress a shudder. "You can always leave Mad with us. Sephie and Pluto love to play with her." 

Severus nodded, turning to look at the gravestone. His calm exterior flickered for a moment as he read the names on the slab, smelled the freshly dug earth, saw the sobbing people. 

"Lily," she heard him murmur as he turned away from the stone. "I should have saved you." 

He quickly resumed his cold face, and Dissapperated with a small pop. 

Ariadne looked at the stone again, fighting the urge to throw herself on the grave, sobbing, pleading for it to not be true. She half-wished that Dinah had somehow changed the past with her insane rantings, but it appeared that no amount of magic could heal the dead. Ariadne had tried. 

She would have stood there for all eternity, mourning the loss of her best friend, when she heard a small voice. 

"Ree." 

"Harry," she whispered, reaching out to thin air. 

"Ree! Ree!" 

She turned to find a small child in a stroller, which was attended to by a blonde woman that looked very unhappy. 

Ariadne walked up to the woman and nodded curtly. "Hello. You must be Petunia Dursley." 

Mrs. Dursley's eyes widened. "Are you one of--of them?" she asked in a would-be calm voice, except that she was slowly inching away from Ariadne. 

"Yes. And I would suggest that you treat that nephew of yours well, or you will find a horde of angry witches and wizards waiting to kill you. Understand?" Ariadne was furious. Who did this woman think she was? 

Mrs. Dursley nodded fearfully. 

"Good." Ariadne lifted Harry from the stroller. "And I'm taking him for a while. You'll get him back when I'm done." 

Mrs. Dursley looked as though she might protest, but Ariadne gave her a look that would stop the Dark Lord himself in his tracks, and the skinny woman merely nodded again. 

Ariadne walked a ways away, to a bench that was about ten yards from Lily's grave. "Hello, Harry." 

"Ree!" Harry said gleefully. Lily had always called Ariadne by her nickname, which led Harry to 'Ree'. 

"Yes, it's Ree. How are you, child?" Ariadne brushed back Harry's bangs, revealing a lightening-shaped scar. "Is that where he-oh, you can't tell me, why am I asking you? Still…Harry, you know I love you, right?" 

Harry looked up at Ariadne, reaching out and grabbing her nose. "Love Ree," he giggled, tugging on her nose 

She chuckled. "I wish I didn't have to give you to that waste of a birth over there, but I can't take you home with me. And Peter's dead, and Sirius--" she stopped so that she wouldn't cry. Harry was only about one and a half. The child had an unusually large vocabulary--perhaps it was because he was always surrounded by people. 

"Remmy!" Harry said suddenly, his smile growing wider. 

"Remus can't take you in either, child…he's a werewolf, not at all good for raising children…besides, I won't let you be raised by a bastard like him." 

"Remmy!" the infant squealed again, squirming about in Ariadne's arms. 

"Hi, Harry," came a voice. Ariadne looked up. It was Remus Lupin. 

Remus ruffled Harry's hair, then turned to look at Ariadne. "Can I sit here?" he asked, pointing at the empty space next to her on the bench. 

Ariadne nodded, scooting over slightly so that he could have room--or perhaps it was because the sight of him still managed to make her flinch. 

The drizzle suddenly turned into full-blown rain. Petunia Dursley marched over, an irritated expression on her gaunt face. 

"I'm leaving," she said, trying in vain to cover herself from the rain. "Give me the boy." 

Ariadne shook her head. "No. I'll bring him to your house later." 

The other woman looked horrified. "If you think that one of--of your kind is coming to my home--" 

"One of us will bring him to your home when we are ready," Remus said, standing up and looking Mrs. Dursley in the eye. "And only then." 

Mrs. Dursley looked at the two of them, then at Harry, then at the two of them again. She seemed as though she was about to say something, but, upon reflection, decided against it, and stormed angrily out of the cemetery. 

Neither of them said anything for a while after Lily's pathetic excuse for a sister huffed off. Both seem to be getting a certain solace from the silence, and neither did anything to keep themselves from the rain. Ariadne thought the rain was refreshing; as if the shower was washing away the feelings of guilt and fear that Ariadne knew both of them were feeling. A gurgling noise from Harry jerked Ariadne back to her senses. 

"Thank you," Ariadne softly said, kissing Harry's forehead. She was directing the comment towards Remus. 

Remus nodded his understanding. "How have you been?" he asked quietly, looking at the ground. 

"My best friend just died, Lupin," she spat softly, her tone dangerous. "How the hell do you think I feel?" 

He shuffled his feet nervously, making tracks in the mud. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "For everything." 

Ariadne sighed. "Did you know?" She looked at her feet as well, noticing how small they were in comparison to Remus'. 

"Know what?" Remus sounded tired, as if he had been walking for a hundred years. 

"About Black," she whispered, as if saying his name might cause him to appear in front of their eyes. 

Remus took his time answering. "I knew--I knew he was their Secret-Keeper, yes. But I never knew--never thought that he could be--" he stopped, chancing a glance in Ariadne's direction. 

"Stop acting as if saying the word Death Eater will cause me to go into a flying rage!" she yelled, jumping to her feet. "I know what my husband does; I know what my father and brother did, I'm not blind! Do you not think that if I was going to be bothered by it, I would have left him by now?" 

Tears were threatening to fall, and Remus was suddenly at her side, his arms pulling her into a comforting embrace. Forgetting herself she leaned against him, letting him stroke her hair as Harry began to wail. 

"Ria, Ria love, everything will be all right. You'll see." 

She stiffened and stepped out of his arms, sitting on the bench again, quieting Harry. 

"Do you really believe that?" she spat venomously as he sat next to her on the bench, her anger returning. 

Remus looked at the ground for a long moment before answering. When he finally did speak, it was in a subdued voice. "I have to." 

Ariadne looked at Remus. She saw him properly for the first time-he had large, dark circles under his eyes, and his robes were ripped and old. Her heart melted at the pitiful man sitting next to her-a man who not only was feeling as much guilt and pain as she was, and man whom she had once loved. 

_What's the matter with me?_ she thought to herself, still looking at Remus. _I've gone soft! Is this what childbirth does to you? Why am I incapable of holding grudges all of the sudden?_

She sighed at her own kindness, and gently reached over to kiss Remus on the cheek. He looked at her in shock, touching his hand to the spot where her lips had been. 

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" he asked hopefully, still looking surprised. 

Ariadne stared into his deep coffee eyes and sighed in resignation. "If you gave me a cigarette," she quipped, "I'd fly to New York for you." 

Remus chuckled lightly. He knew of Ariadne's fear of brooms and Quidditch. He handed her a package of 'Griffins-Kings', saying, "Since when do you smoke?" 

She looked at the package. 'Griffins' was the cheapest brand on the market. She was used to smoking 'Galleon Smokes', the most expensive brand of cigarettes you could buy (three galleons a carton). She took a cigarette anyway, not mentioning the brand as she handed the pack back to Remus. 

"Since Lucius Jr. died," she said quietly, reaching for her wand. Unlike 'Galleons', 'Griffins' had to be lit by wand. 'Galleons' lit itself the moment you put it to your lips. "Severus has always smoked, and Lucius took it up after we got married. I needed something to calm my nerves, and I got tired of making massive amounts of Nerve-Calming Potion. And now I'm addicted, like the rest of the world." 

She lit the cigarette and took a long, slow drag. "Thank you. For everything." She turned her head so that the smoke wouldn't blow in Harry's face. 

He nodded, putting his hand gently over hers. She turned her hand over, lacing her fingers through his. 

"Ree! Play with Dwaco?" Harry had decided that he needed some attention. 

Ariadne shook her head sadly. "Not today, love. Maybe later." 

Harry looked so upset that Remus leaned over and tickled him until the child was nearly in tears. 

"Remmy, sthop! Sthop!" he giggled, trying to push Remus' hands away. 

"Well then you smile, or else, you understand?" Remus said sternly. 

Harry nodded solemnly. "Harry smile." He did as he said, putting a huge grin on his face as he reached up and grabbed Ariadne's nose. 

"Got konk!" he yelled, pulling Ariadne's face down. 

She couldn't help but laugh as she freed her nose from Harry's grasp. 

"Too much like his father," she said lightly, shaking her head. 

Remus chuckled. "No, he's got Lily's eyes." 

Ariadne nodded, snuffed out her cigarette, and looked at her watch. "We should probably get Harry back to his aunt's. Although if I could, I'd raise him myself, if just to keep him away from those horrible people." 

"As would I." Remus stood. "Do you want me to take him?" 

She nodded, thankful. She didn't think she could go to that house and not kill the Muggles living in it. She stood and walked away from Remus, who seemed to understand her need for privacy. 

"Harry, I wish I could raise you myself. I do. But Lucius…he didn't much like your mum and dad, and I know he hates you." 

Harry just looked at her. 

She sighed. "Who am I kidding? You're too young to understand; someday, you'll see. I'm going to give you a gift, Harry. Something you don't have, but will need, being raised by Muggles." 

"Muggle." Harry repeated, smiling. 

Ariadne nodded. "Muggles. Before I had to leave school, child, we were learning how to heal emotions and transfer memories. I'm going to give you memories that will help you." 

The child just gurgled happily. 

She sighed again and placed her right hand on Harry's heart; her left on the small scar on his forehead. She concentrated on her memories, and pictured them being Harry's memories as well--memories of being strong after being beaten, of being in pain, of being alone. 

The memories wouldn't hurt him, but whatever the Muggles dealt him, in the back of his head he'd always have a feeling that he could get through it; that he had been through worse. She walked back over to where Remus was waiting. 

She kissed Harry on the forehead and pulled him close. "Gods protect, Harry." Handing him to Remus without another word, she turned to leave. 

"Bye, Ree!" Harry shouted as Remus Dissaperated. 

It was only then that she allowed herself to really cry. 

***

_"Luke, there's something wrong with her!" _

**"There's something wrong with you, girl!"**

"Sephie, what do you want me to do about it?" 

**"You aren't my daughter, girl!"**

"You're the smart one; do something!" 

**"No one in this family acts like you!"**

No, Mother! Not you too! 

**"You're lucky I didn't tell your father; he would have beaten you!"**

I know! Mother, please! 

**"You are a horrible child! You don't deserve our attention!"**

Please, Mother, I know! I know I'm an awful child! I deserve to die! I do! Please, I've admitted it, stop! Oh Gods, I can't take this. I can't. I can't fight it. 

"Mum? Mum! Luke, something's wrong!" 

Because I could not stop for death… 

"She's not breathing!" 

…He kindly stopped for me.  
  
  


***

  


Disclaimer: In no way, shape, or form do I wish anyone to recognize any characters found in the Harry Potter books as belonging to anyone other than J.K. Rowling, publishers such as Bloomsbury Books, Raincoast Books, Schoolastic Books, or Warner Brothers, Inc. I do not own characters found in any published works, and can claim only Ariadne and Dinah at the moment, and some children and such that will be introduced later. The Chapter title is from a song belonging to Fuel, Bad Day. 

Next Chapter: We find out if she's actually dead...no hints there. And we also get to see Malfoy Manor in action at Seven in the morning, in a house with four children...Ria come across a problem, and ends up having to visit the muggle world...oh, and Dinah does a *bad* thing. 

Thanks: To Abby, for beta-reading this. What would the world do without betas? 


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